In A Span of Two Years, I
January 23, 2012
I was reading my journal which covered the events from August 2009 to June 2010, and as I read it continuously, my eyes began to sweat. I never thought how much God pursued for me when I ran so far away from Him. As I closed my journal, I realized on how He is all-powerful, great and loving to us, whether we are believing in Him or not. God wants His lost children found! It doesn't mean that we are saved, then that's it, we'll just stop there.
Going back with my journal which covered my sophomore days, there are things that I won't forget there. These are the following:
Idolatry by self-worship and by worshiping humans.
I was often stuck in problems I can't solve ( e.g broken heart, academic failures, relational dysfunctions, financial problems, etc.)
I often backslide. Always.
I hated God and going to church back then. I even hated reading the Bible and I was supposed to burn one.
I was an atheist, then an agnostic back then.
My low self-esteem and suicidal self.
My bad habits, and:
Ideas and solutions that are ungodly and unreliable.
In just around two years, I am the person I didn't expect to be. From an atheist and an agnostic I became a Christian; from the cursed me I became blessed. God can change your life too, no matter how impossible it is. He is powerful. You don't probably feel it, but stretch out your faith. It's not bad to have such faith, whether it's weak or strong. Look, I had a very weak faith back then - the reason I often backslide. It's very difficult, but seek help to your friends - a friend that can pray for you.
Better, Not Bitter
February 2, 2012, Thursday
It was our Victory Group meeting, and it was the last few minutes of it. It was me, my fellow IJAian, Pastor Ryan and several OLOPSCians with me. Pastor Ryan said,
“May gusto pa ba kayong i-share?”
. He asked the rest of us, and one of us answered. I no longer remember what he said, but when it came to me, I’m speechless at first, since I’m not prepared to say what I wished to say. A minute later, I said something long, and this was meant to be a secret for everyone. It wasn’t just an experience; it’s also a testimony. Here’s what I’ve said:
“May naalala ako na nilagay ko sa Twitter ko kahapon about sa dati kong crush. It was November 12, 2011, at Victory Weekend Day 1 nun. Bago yung mismong counselling, may nalaman ako kay Paula: may boyfriend na daw yung crush ko. Gusto ko na yung crush ko for the last 41 months (Let’s say, 3 years and 5 months) tapos nalaman kong may boyfriend na pala siya. Umiiyak ako nun, kasi syempre ang sakit at parang ang hirap tanggapin. Pero naka-move on, ay este, move forward na ako agad. Even though I wasted 41 months, I learned one thing –
ACCEPTANCE.
It hurts but it made me learn acceptance very well.”
I never thought I said such a testimony. Yes, it made me cry, as I still see my crush from the past being with her boyfriend all the time. It’s Valentine’s and somebody’s got my Valentine. It hurts, right? Then I had another crush from the past and she is going to have a boyfriend as she graduates. Ouch. That hurts, right? But for me?
