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Here I am again sitting in my car listening to the rain, a simple act that relives all the worldly stress that comes with living, I was tired of arguing, tired of the humiliation and hurt all I wanted was the respect that possibly he would be honest with me, to at least give the benefit of the doubt that he was decent enough to confide in truth with me, but he didn't, so I walked out on us.
on that particular day I drove up a hill on the outskirts of the city, mentally I was unaware of the damage he was doing, the dependency that grew that it became suffocating, the distance he created whenever he was unfaithful. Leaving me to question myself believing to be the source of all faults within what we had.
I loved him dearly it cost me my sanity and hurt to remove myself from him, it hurt to clear out the fact that he exists to heal and move forward, I had to forget about him almost impossible as it's within my subconscious mind of what he did, but what I failed to realise too soon was that I became more alive when I learned to get over him.
A year and two months down the line I'm back where I began looking over the city, I turned on the radio. I wanted to go out with bang, if I'm lucky it still plays on till the police hit the scene, maybe I'll become famous whilst I'm gone, I keep my seatbelt in and slowly drive forwards, I'm so blinded by love that I forgot all my progress.
Palms sweating, heavy breathing I drive forwards completely over the edge and waiting for the surreal feeling of being lurched by gravity to drop and hopefully I'm dead. ____________________________________
