Ew Clarvel

Look It Up

Ok I'm back my little shuckface shuckers.
Here's what I'm talking about today, the fact that the writing of Clarvel writers versus Clato writers is like reading a book that should be published and book written by a five year old. I mean come on. I looked up Clarvel on the discovery tab. The first story that cam up had 2.85 reads. When I looked up Clato, the first story that came up had 203k. The first paragraph of the Clarvel book is.
"Part 1 the train: Marvel~ I watched the reapings for the first time after mine. I see the district 2 reaping the girl tribute was Clove was gorgeous. Of course I had no chance though. Finally they finished. Glimmer was talking to me the whole time Just shut up! I snapped at her. I watched her go sulk to her room. I slide down in my chair, I let out a sigh of relief she's finally gone."
*facepalm.
OMG. Children, this is not proper at all. I want you to know that I am not hating in this writer just trying to prove a point. If I were editing this, I would write it like this:
Part 1
-Marvel POV-
I watched the reapings as soon as I got on the train. I had to know what I was up against. As soon as the girl tribute from District two comes on, I feel my stomach do a flip. She's gorgeous. When their escort, who was dressed in all yellow, asked her what her name was, she responded Clove. How beautiful. It reminds me of the times when I used to scavenge for four leave clovers in my front yard with my sisters. That was before they all volunteered and died. Leaving my mom and I. Glimmer, my district partner, will not shut up next to me.
"I'm so excited, Marvel. Aren't you. What are you thinking about? This is so exciting!" She squeals.
"Shut up!" I snap!
She frowns at me. I can see tears drop onto the perfectly polished floor as she walks to her room.

That wasn't that much better but you know what I mean. This is just a small rant!
Bye lovely children people! See ya!