A Guide to Widowhood

Part 1

About 10 months ago on September 25, 2021 at 3:11pm my life changed forever. That date and time was when my husband was pronounced dead...

When we got married this was something I NEVER thought would happen in a million years. A frightful time that he got sick and the modern medicine only kept him alive long enough to find out we were going to have a baby boy in 4 short months.

I was 22, 5 months pregnant and widowed. Unsure of what came next.

When they got him all cleaned up and presentable I was able to sit in that hospital room with him.. I cried tears of sorrow for the man I loved with all my heart, as the father of our child took his place in his heavenly home.

I took my time then knew it was time to let my side of the family know and his side. I got to work calling my mom, then his mom to tell them the dreadful news...

I never want to make those phone calls again!

The next couple days were a complete blur!

I had no idea what to expect! My phone was blowing up with text messages, posts, messages coming through on Facebook. Everything and everyone reaching out saying the exact same words " I am so sorry for your loss, if you need anything don't hesitate to reach out, I am here for you" or something along those lines.

I had one fellow family friend who was widowed earlier that year and she gave me some solid advice that had a big impact on how I would handle the next few days!

She said and I quote

" I love you! Everyone else will be ok. Everyone will grieve in their own way. Right now people are focused on you. It will be overwhelming. I know exactly how you feel right now. Over the next few days you will be bombarded with people coming and going. People who are grieving with you, and need to share that with you.

You will feel like you need to visit with every person who comes to the door and if you miss someone you'll feel bad about it. You'll want to make sure everyone else is ok. It's ok if you don't see every person. You will need a break, and it's ok.

This week is going to be overwhelming. There will be a lot to take care of. You won't sleep much, try to eat, stay hydrated.

Right now you are in shock. You will be for a couple of weeks if not more. It's ok.

You make the rules. Whatever you want, whatever you need is exactly what should happen. There is no right way to do this, no normal, expected process. You don't have to follow anyone's expectations. Only yours.

Everyone will say "I'm here for anything you need" and they mean it. But you won't know what you need. And it's ok to say thank you and move on down the line.

Your only job right now is to carry out Your husbands wishes and take care of you and baby. Everything and everyone else takes a back seat. "

:End quote

These words got me through the next few days preparing for the funeral and getting his body in order.

Now side note! Can I just say how stupid it is that there is a state tax in the USA you have to pay for the deceased!? It blows my mind that they would do that. A funeral or a cremation is already a kick in the face. Taxing your loved one just gets under your skin even more!

One thing my sister said as we sat in the hospital room was "it's peaceful for the deceased, it's the ones that are still living that suffer"