The taste of salty unwanted tears continue to stream down my face. How long had it been? A few minutes? An hour? I couldn't care anymore, they finally spoke up. They had finally expressed everything they had been holding inside them. Good for them, I'm glad they could open up. I'm glad they got the chance to be happy. I'm glad that everything they wanted, they got. Cheers to them. My bangs eventually started to cover my face, making me look like a stereotypical emo anime character. The person who had been sitting in front of me saying nothing, just stared. It's not like they could say anything, it's not like they can do anything. What are they gonna do? Hug me? They just expressed everything, their hatred, their fear, their love, every single emotion they just spilled out to me. All while shattering the heart I entrusted to them.
They don't care. If I spoke up they wouldn't care. If I told them they hurt me, they wouldn't care. Why would they? If I wanted to help them, they wouldn't even go to me. They'd never talk to me about their problems. They wouldn't go to me. They'll always go to someone else. I'm just a last resort. I'm just a toy. I mean nothing to them. It sucks, they won't admit it. But it's true. All the promises and lies. None of it was actually true. Minutes seemed to go by before they even attempted to touch my shoulder. It felt like hours passed before they made me look at their face. Their once soft brown eyes now appear broken and dull. Their touch was gentle, as if they were going to break me more by a single touch. They opened their mouth to say something, but yet nothing came out. Maybe, I should speak up for once. Maybe they'll understand. Maybe.. I will.
"You can't understand how it is to feel this worthless. I just want it all to go away! I want it all to STOP!"
Shock. Silence. A whirlpool of emotions stirred up in the air. I had spoken up, but at what cost? I had finally managed to say what I've never had the heart to do. But now all I could do was sit in silence and stare at them while they processed the words I just spoke. I was finally honest, I finally told them. But it hurts more than it would if I kept quiet. Maybe I shouldn't have spoken. Maybe I shouldn't have opened my mouth. I should have just kept helping them. Their hand was still resting under my chin, not moving. It had flinched once I spoke, but not moved. My eyes mirrored theirs. Broken and dull. Was this all love really is? Just a series of getting hurt and hurting others?
Is there not some way out of this loop? Or is there something else about love that you are supposed to like? They never truly care no matter how much they may say it. They never truly love you. They never mean anything. I always get too attached to what they say. Even when I know they don't mean it. All it ever is a bunch of lies. A bunch of promises. Everything ends up broken so why does it ever matter?
Who knows. How long had I been crying? I can feel my throat start to tighten at the lack of water. My eyes starting to burn. I had been sniffling and crying for who knows how long. But it's fine, they don't care. It was all just a mistake. It doesn't matter because I'm just another player in their game of chess. Someone for them to use as they wish and then throw away.
