Land of Ashes

Before the Biggest Problems Started

Dear Darling,

" Yes, tis true. I have been, am, and forever will be the most stubborn women in the world!" This is me, talking to my husband, or soon will be anyhow. His name is Stephan. I am sad to say I don't love him. Not truly anyhow. He is a bastard. A cruel, pompous, thorn in my foot, conceded, narcissistic, penurious, bastard. As you can tell, I am not the most fond person of the man I am about to be with for all of eternity. We will get into why I do not love him later in this story. For right now, all you need to know is that my name is Anna, I am 13 years old, and I am about getting ready to marry a man that is 19 years older than me. (If you have done the math, then he is 32 years old. This is our story. The year is 1793. I have recently matured to the age of being a women. This, in turn, means that I have to go through a joining of two families. A conjointment of life that will eventually result in new life later to be sent out into this world to do the same and have the same fate as mine now.

When I realized that I was to be marrying the man that has lived down the street from me all of my life, I wasn't exactly ballistic, nor was I flabbergasted to the utmost fetal position. I knew that this fate would be what is currently taking hold. I have known since the age of 10. Most people in arranged marriage only get a picture of what their life will be like. I knew the whole thing.You might have noticed that I have just given away why I don't love Stephan. I am a thirteen year old that is going to be in an arranged marriage. The duties that I am endowed with are this: tend to your husband's every need; make sure that your spouse is always pleased with the way things are; be happy so that your husband is happy; and create your own family so that your family's name will live on after you are dead. This, in short, means that I will have to become a mother, become a maid, a chef, a nurse, or, just a mother to my husband. I am not one to want to become a mother, for I am merely a child myself, and still need someone to take care of me. Stephan is old enough to be my father.

I had a friend once, a very dear friend who was two years older than me who got married at the age of 14. She drove her husband mad because she did not meet her husband's every whim. She herself went mad in the process. They both ended up in a white jacket and sent to Edgarwood, the insane asylum. I have not seen her since for she is not permitted visitors. She had a visitor once...her husband. Rebecca (my dear friend) tried to kill him by asphyxia. Dare I say, I was not fond of him either. He had punched her, and abused her in many ways without getting into trouble.There is another reason that I do not wish to marry Stephan. I am in love with someone else. His name is Dean. Dean Clarus. He is older than me, that is true, but only by a few years. Only 6. He is nineteen years of age. Stephan is also in love with someone other than myself. Her name is Juliet, but everyone close to her calls her Julie. She is in an arrange marriage with James. He is a very nice man indeed. Quite the handsome charmer. But, he is not too kind. All we can do is do what we are told we have to do, even if that means we will be unhappy for the rest of our lives. Dean is everything that I could want in a man. He is kind; tall; trustworthy; honest; wise; smart; among other many, many things. But most importantly of all, he loves me for who I am and not who my family is, or how rich we are. That is probably the most important thing to me, but that doesn't even matter because, well, you know. The fight that we were having was over how many servants we wanted to have. I said that we should have only one or two because that is all we will ever really need. But, Stephan said otherwise. He said we should have at least fifteen, but I said that that was much too many, and that we would have to keep track of all of the servants to make sure that they stay in line. I do enjoy doing some of the cooking, cleaning, and sewing around this place. However, this place is a very large, Victorian, wooden house that is quite beautiful. The walls are painted a different color in every room, the kitchen is equipped with the finest tools for the art of cooking. The walls are marble colored, but personally, my favorite room is the music room/ library. All of the most wonderful books in the land, all in one room of this enormous house. I live in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Philadelphia can be a very beautiful place, filled with wonder and beauty, although it's beauty is hard to find sometimes. Dean and I have a love that is endless. I wish that Stephan and I love each other endlessly and forever. But, we just don't have an endless love. And I doubt that we ever will.