Just like a dream

7

—
1986, march 27, somewhere in California

"- Edrick , could you please slow down
- Omg, you're so not fun
- I don't care, just stop
- Nope !
- STOP ! I yell
- Okay, okay call down. You got your periods what is it ?
- Actually no, I don't have them and I won't have them for 9 months

He pulls away the car brutally.

"- God, be careful

He turns to me and violently take my arm :

"- What did you say ??
- I said be careful
- Before that stupid bitch !
- Let me go, you're hurting me

I start to panick because I know how he would react and it's my fault thinking that I could tell him

"- I don't care about that, I dear you to repeat that shit

I try taking my arm away but he squeezes it harder

"- Edrick, babe, I'm sorry please let me go, I shouldn't have say it like that, it's my fault you don't have to do anything and we can talk about it later if you want but please let me go

He finally release my arm and I see the red mark that I'll have to hide for the next few days

"- Sorry I shouldn't have done that babe, he excuses himself, but it's your fault for telling me this way
- Yeah I'm really sorry but you need to know, I'm pregnant
- Of me ?
- Yeah of course
- Are you sure ?
- What is that question ? Do you think I would cheat on you ?
- Hey, stop being aggressive, I'm just asking

I take a deep breath before responding

"- Sorry, it's just that it's a lot to take for me
- For me too, so stop being so selfish
- Yeah, I'm sorry
- So this shit what do you want to do about it
- This shit ? This is gonna be your fucking baby Edrick
- Oh no it's not
- What ? Are you serious ?
- Absolutely, I'm way to young to have a baby, my parents would kill me plus we're not even married, what would people think
- So you care about what they think ?
- Yeah, he responds like it's obvious
- You know what screw it, I shouldn't have tell you, we're over. I'm gonna fucking raise that baby on my own and teach him respect and fucking principles that not everyone had learned
- Oh you bitch, you're putting all on me. You're not gonna keep that baby
- Yes I am
- And how you're gonna raise him , you don't even have a diploma
- I'm gonna find out
You're gonna cry to your little bitch and rich mama, so she takes care of you
- Stop talking of my mother, when you know the story
- Yeah I do know the story so I can assure you that you're not gonna keep that baby
- And I'm gonna keep it
- You're gonna get an abortion
- Screw you, why do you care . If I keep the baby or not won't affect you
- Yes it will
- Stop this nonsense
- I refuse that you keep this baby.
What will people think, if I break up with you while you're pregnant. I can't have a child with my blood going I don't know where
- They won't think anything, that's not their business
- Oh you know they will, so that's decided, you're getting an abortion
- That's your decision, not mine. What if I don't agree with that ?

He angrily slaps me and I almost fall back but I keep my tears back knowing it's only gonna piss him more

"- Well, I think we won't have that problem, because you agree with that ?

Too shock I don't respond

"- DO YOU AGREE WITH THAT ?? He yells at me

I know I need to respond and fast or I don't know what could happen to me

"- Yes, yes I agree, I respond suffering, I'm gonna get an abortion
- Okay great, I'm ready to pay half of it to make sure that you get it but I'm way to generous
- You're right, you're being to good and generous to me, I say trying to calm both of us
- Great so it's settled!

And on that, like nothing happened he drive and start again the conversation.
—

Back to present,

I feel a tear rolling down my cheek,

Why in hell i'm thinking of that now ? Get yourself up Nina

Before I got the time to wipe her up, I feel the warm hand of Eddie do it

"- Are you okay, he gently ask me
- Yeah it's just..., I hesitate
- A bad memory ?
- Yeah a bad memory, I say trying not to cry
- Do you want to share it ?

I don't know what I thought about but I should have say no, I should have take away the memory of my mind and not include Eddie in it but it should have been the beers or maybe just that I felt safe with him because I said yes. And I started telling him everything. Not only the memory but all the moments that brokes me as a person, as a lover and as a mom.

Before I even got to that memory, we reach my place and I stop without thinking of it.

"- It's my place, I mention interrupting the story
-Let me get you in, he responds softly

And he get out of the car to help me

"- No I said I drive you home, I try to resist
- But you're home and don't worry my place is really not far away, you can see it from here, he explains as he cautiously takes my  arm and bring me up

We enter the house without a word and I'm suddenly ashamed of my house that is all messy without nothing else but a bed, a couch and tons of unpacked boxes.

"- Do you want to continue your story or do want to go to sleep ? He asks

I know deeply that I need to stop and go to sleep because I don't know how it could all end but what I want is also to be listened without jugement and I know Eddie do that so I continue.
We sit next to each other on the couch and I put my head on his shoulder.

I don't know how long we stayed like that. Me speaking and him brushing my hair, comforting me when I cried and mostly listening to me. Because that was all I needed. To be listened to. Without judgement, or stupid advices. Maybe I only needed attention. And that's what Eddie gave me et this moment.