Day Ones

Chapter I: "Stuck In My Ways"

I fucked up...
I could see the tears in her eyes, the pain in her voice and the anger in her demeanor. She caught me trading a lifetime of happiness for one night of pleasure and I couldn't deny it because she caught me red handed. She looked me dead in my eyes and into my soul and told me, "I hate you," words of discomfort that hurt the ears to hear from the one that loved you unconditionally. She stuck by me through everything, bad or good, she helped me change and all I can say is....I fucked up. I love her more then words can imagine and at the end of the day I fucked up everything for a bitch that had nothing to offer but pussy.

Days go by and I hesistate to call her phone to tell her im sorry like I always do. This was different. She put my clothes out and everything, but shit, how could I blame her? I go back to stay at my brothers until I get on my feet. She slides thru my mind daily like skates on ice. All the things we been through, from the arguments, fights and disargreements, all leading up to this. I sit on the edge of the bed with my mind roaming, as I go to her contact but quickly cancel out. Damn, I miss her, I wonder do she miss me? She post on social media like shes happy but I wonder if shes thinking about me? If I call her what do I say? Where do I begin? What if she doesn't answer? Fuck it, ima call her. I dial her number and listen as it rings. Mane I hope she answers. "Hello," she says when she answers the phone. "Uh, Um, Can We Meet Up Somewhere or I Come Over?" The Phone Gets Silently...."U can come over," she says. "Ight" I hang up and get in the car and head over there.

I pull up and knock on the door. Im sweating like hell. She opens the door and tells me come in. I walk in and as soon as she closes the door, I drop down to my knees and hug her legs with tears coming from my eyes. I cry out, "I love you Jazmine, Im sorry, Im sorry, Im sorry, Im sorry...I never meant to hurt you, Im sorry." I look up and I see tears coming from her eyes too but no words. I cry out some more, "Im sorry, I fucked up. Let me get one more chance, I wont fuck up again, I promise." She speaks, "Ok" with tears coming down her face. "U take me back" I ask? "Yes" she said. I get up and hug and kiss all over her and then she tells me stop. "Stop?", I was confused. She says, "I cant let you play victim Shawn." I ask what she means and she says, "I fucked somebody else Deshawn" with tears coming down her face and she also says, "and im pregnant."

Wow Jazmine, thats all I could say...
My eyes get wide and my body gets full of animosity. Im pissed. Next thang you kno, I punch a hole in the wall. "WHO DID YOU FUCK JAZMINE," is what I yell out. Tears start to come down her face, "Baby please" she says. I yell out, "Dont Baby Please Me, U Wasnt Crying When You Fucked Him, Now Tell Me Who It Was!" Her head drops in shame and she huffs one long breath out, "It was Antwan." "YOU FUCKED MY COUSIN ANT?!" "YES but the baby is 100% yours Deshawn, he was just there when I was down and had no one else." Its crazy because sometimes blood aint thicker then water, but thin as sand. Wow, my own cousin did this to me and he was one of the only niggas I trusted and one the main niggas saying that we was relationship goals. Disappointment fills in my eyes and I look at her with disgust, "Never thought you would do some shit like this to me." I storm out the crib and hop in the car.

I pull up at my brother's spot and all that is on my mind is the whole situation and that nigga Antwan. Cant lie, I wanna kill him, but he not even worth it. I unlock the door and walk into the pitch black room and go straight to my bed. My mind races, should I forgive her? Should I kill him? Is the baby really mines? Should I just give up on all this and go back to my old ways? Mane I dont know what to do...my mind all kinds of fucked up right now. I call Antwan. I sat there thinking as the phone rings. "Cuzzo Wassup Bro?" he says. "Not shit BRO, but aye, u tryna come over and get beat in this 2K real quick? Im at Tyshawn's spot." "Nigga u cant beat me, get ready for this ass whooping lil nigga, im on my way now." "Bet, say no more." I tell him.

About 30 Minutes go by and I hear a knock at the door. I open the door and Antwan smiling like a koolaid commercial, "Wassup Cuzzo? U ready fo this ass whooping?" I reply, "ha." Little do he know he gonna be the one getting whooped. I look out the door to make sure its just him and then I close the door. BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! I start throwing them bitches at Antwan and after the first one, he already on the ground and the rest come after. "NIGGA..YOU..GON.. FUCK..MY..GIRL..PUSSY?" He bleeding all over the place. I stop and think about what I just did and ask myself, what the fuck is wrong with me? He gets up talking shit and walks out the door," Fuck you bitch, you gon feel me nigga, you gon feel me I promise, it aint over nigga." 5 Minutes pass and I hop in the car and head back to Jazmine's house.

I pull up and sat in the car thinking for a minute. I cant even be mad at her cause I did the same thing. Another nigga done been inside her and I was her first. Mane, what do I do? I walk up to the door and after one knock, the door flies open and she pulls me in and starts kissing all over me. "Baby im sorry, I promise, baby please forgive me, please baby im sorry." I look her in the eyes and say, "Its ok," even though deep inside it wasn't. We lay on the couch and just talk and laugh for about a hour or two before next thang you know, a hard ass knock knocks on the door. "OPEN UP, POLICE!" I panic because I had just gotten out about 3 weeks ago, but she tells me stay calm. She goes to the door and opens it, "Yes officers?" They bust past her and tackle and start beating me with their sticks and kicking me. "What the fuck man, I didn't even do nothing!" The officers pull their guns out and aim them at me "Nigger shut your black ass up before I accidently unload the clip on your black ass." Im bleeding all over the carpet, "Dont..Dont kill me, I got a baby on the way." They pick me up and cuff me, then put me in the back of the cruiser. I pass out and everything goes black. Is this how its all gon end for me? Will I get out to raise my daughter or son? Or will I be behind bars while he or she is growing up? Mane, a nigga tired.