When someone tells you it is easy to say goodbye, it really is not. You must let go not just physically but mentally too, and sometimes the mental part always takes longer than you expect it to.
4 years ago, on October 17, 2016, I got a text message on Kik from my best friend's stepdad. He said "I'm sorry to inform you but Hayden has flatlined, I hope you can move on, goodbye" " account deleted" I was seventeen, I had never experienced someone dying before, I had never lost anyone who I had such an amazing friendship with. I have never had a best friend like him before in my entire life. I regret our last conversation, as it was in a fight. I had said something to my boss at the time about him and he got mad at me.
Our friendship was special to me, before I met him, I was a lost person out in the ocean. His patients and care for me calmed the waves, not just in my heart and my mind. I thought since I moved from such a large city to a small ass town no one would want to be friends with someone like me, and I was right no one did. But he wanted to be friends with someone who has crazy curly hair, who was tall for her age and never fit it wherever she went.
With this being a friendship purely online I could be my complete self. He opened his arms like God does when we are lost and finding our way home. When I talked to him, I felt at home. I felt safe. I have never felt so safe in anyone's presence as I did with him. He was my rock, and he was like a librarian who knows their libraries. If you look up Calgary's Public Library you will see how big it is. He was like the owner of that place but of me. He knew every part of me, he knew what pissed me off, made me happy, made me cry, and knew when I was hiding something or at least trying to.
when he passed, I was in grade 12 since I lost him in high school, I had thought I had lost him for good, my entire world crashed and so did I.
This is my goodbye
