Star Trek Hangover AU

Chapter 3

    "Come on, let me drive, at least until we get to the planet surface." Kirk begged thoroughly bored with space, a can of beer in one hand.

    "I will be the only one driving this car" Scotty said sternly "besides, you're drinking."

    "Oh, what are you, a cop now? You know I drive great when I'm drunk." Kirk said "you think I command the starship completely sober all the time?"

    "True don't forget, Kirks always our designated drunk driver." Bones said.

    "Do you want to explain Spock?" Scotty asked.

    "Sulu drives the star ship, Kirk, you merely give driving instructions." Spock said.

    "I say the speed we go, and when your drink driving, it's all about speed" Kirk said.

    "Spock!" Scotty snapped.

    "I am not yet ready for the warm embrace of death, besides, if anyone here is caught drunk driving it will jeopardise your job."

    "Wow that, is a point, and also Mr Keenser will kill me if any of you do drive it." Scotty said.

    "Can I drive it?" Bones asked.

    "No." Scotty said.

    "Oh I can't believe this" Bones said putting his feet up on the back of Scotty's chair "I missed out seeing my ex-wife for you guys."

    "Aw, that's really sweet" Kirk said turning around from the front seat, to talk easier to the back passengers.

    "Jim, I was being sarcastic. I fucking hate my life - and my ex-wife, as if we need to discuss our divorce, it's over I ain't going back. I may never go back. I might stay in Audacious."

    "Oh, here we go" Jim said rolling his eyes, as he took a swig from his can.

    "Scotty, you enjoy yourself" Bones said "because come Sunday you're gonna start dying just a little bit every day."

    "I'm only marrying Keenser - not some outterspace rich, probably royalty babe."

    "Hey - actually yeah - who even was your wife?" Kirk asked. Bones stared up at Kirk, then he lent over, and grabbed the beer out of his hand and proceeded to drink it all.

    "That is not healthy at all." Kirk noted.

    "I don't need to be healthy, I am a doctor."

      "Although this is exactly why I've managed to stay single this whole time, you know?" Kirk asked.    

    "And I thought it was those horrendous dick pictures going around" Spock said.

    "Augh! You sent him dick pictures?" Bones asked thoroughly disgusted.

    "I didn't send them to him I sent them to Uhura." Kirk corrected.

      "Stay classy." Scotty said.

    "Oh god - thats whose dick it is? Mate" Bones said shaking his head "that ain't right."

    "It doesn't look like that any more" Kirk shouted turning a bright shade of red.

    "Why you even sending Spock's girlfriend your dick?" Bones asked.

    "Well they've got to brake up soon" Kirk said "maybe, right?"

    "Hmmm" Spock said "I don't see the logic in that at this moment."

    "Hey what about you Spock?" Scotty asked "you gonna marry Uhura, thats something done in vulcan culture too right?"

    "It is but therinineirnewirnewoifnekds" Spock mumbled turning to the window.

    "That was not english" Bones said "come on are you thinking about it, gonna do - can you do it?"

    "It will be a possibility" Spock said "as soon as I tell my to be ex-fiance that we will never get married. I mean, I have sent her ten messages, but she won't put the work through."

    "Your technically engaged?" Kirk shouted.

    "Technically since I was eight. Are you going to count that, though?" Spock asked "also I would appreciate it if you could keep at least that too yourself, unlike your dick."

Kirk squinted "why- so you started dating Uhura, even though you were engaged?"

    "Hey how was that logical?" Bones asked. Spock turned to Bones.

    "Have you seen Uhura? There is nothing illogical about her."

    "Isn't that just vulcan for she's hot as fuck?" Kirk asked.

    "No it is not" Spock said and took out his touchpad.

    "Oh what you not talking to us now?" Kirk asked.

    "Spock? Spock?" Bones asked waving his hand around.

    "I can't - he's fucking blanking us."

    "I'm not sure what you two really expected" Scotty hollered.