nothing else but my heart's desire [COLLECTION] | FINISHED

In my dreams - ORIGINAL PROSE

In my dreams, you're there; you're distorted and I only see flashes, snapshots of you in my mind's eye, but there you are, there you remain. You haunt me, as I wander through the dark; your laughter echoes, I trip and fall, there it is yet again. Something happens, I never know what; something always happens, yet I can never prepare myself for the screams which remain forever trapped in my throat, until my mind forces me awake and I'm met only with the sweet, yet brief feeling of relief, and the inevitable grief/guilt which comes along with it. I wish to look you in the eye and scream yet again, but there the protests remain, where they shall die a slow, suffocating, painful death. Instead, from the soil in that place somewhere inside me, a flower blooms and I call it peace, stained red yet blue finds its way, petal by petal, seeping into anger and rage, coating it in melancholy and indifference, until one day I am transformed anew. Something happened, it seeped into my dreams, even in rest I am not safe from you, but I'll grow into something different, something bright, something sinking slowly beneath a calm, stagnant sea, with no one to see my wins and losses, to hear my curses as the scream forces its way to the surface, suffocating me still under the weight of all I was and all I will be. All I will be? All I know is rage, until all I can do is look around and ask why the bird feeds the worm to its young and why the spider lies in wait for a prey which may never make an appearance.