The Trapped Soul

"I am a soul, a soul who seeks freedom."

A man in white robes appeared in front of me and said, "Dear child, take this body I made for you, this way you can find what u seek."

With such kindness I took his offer and took the form of a boy, a boy named Carl, with this body I was given a brain to think, the eyes to see, the nose to smell, a mouth to eat, and a heart to feel emotions...

Before I knew it, I was already crying, crying as I was being held by warm hands, with my ears I can hear their joy, "I wish I could feel that too." I thought, and it was granted.

The life I have lived has been very joyous, I have an older brother to rely on, I have a mother to trust, I have a father to learn from, and 2 younger siblings to cherish... It was a great time, but it didn't last forever...

Both parents fought for the lack of income, one who has failed and quitted every job he took, and one who has been stressed for taking care of 4 children at home.

Eventually the picture cracked and the family fell apart, there I saw his back as he walks away, as we were sent to a relative's house to grow... And that's where I learned, people can leave behind who they love, just for the sake of surviving this "life".

At this time, I was in second grade, I hated school because of the trauma I had, the sole cause was my kinder teacher... But to my surprise, the teacher was kind, and there were only 7 students in the room, that's where I feel "Hope"... I felt like I can fit in than last time, and so I tried and tried, blindly listening to what they want me to be just to fit in, they told me to be smarter, and so I studied, they told me to be interesting and so I started to learn jokes, they told me to be gay and so I decided to learn girl's stuff... But even with all these sacrifices, it wasn't enough, they weren't satisfied, I ended up being punched, kicked, thrown off the stairs, blamed for the things that I didn't even do... I tried to tell my older brother, but I was scared...

On the next day I ended up not coming back to school, and because of that I missed an important lesson, I failed an important topic and It led me close to failure... I asked myself "Am I really free?" The answers were dim so I looked for more.

On the day of my birthday, I asked my mother to held up a party at the classroom, and the permission was granted, because of that, everyone was so kind to me, and I was happy, not realizing their masks...

Days later, it happened again, but it was different... as I was being bullied at lunch, a girl saved me, she threatened the bullies that she will tell the teachers if they won't stop, because of that deed, I felt "Love", something that warmth my heart, and something that suppressed my rage... but soon, I became desperate, even at this young age I took a flower and asked her to be mine... "What, you disgust me, your not even all that charming." She said, as she walked away in disgust.

My heart broke and lost all the confidence I had for myself... conscious, I told myself "I am just a soul, not a human." I kept all these feelings bottled up inside me and end up lying to everyone, from this day on I developed an urge to lie.

Grade 3, I didn't fit well in the classroom, I was a delinquent, people looked down on me, people hated me, but I never cared, those problems I faced during that day, was solved through violence and lies.

Grade 4, I fit well to a few selected thugs because of how I act, but still the hierarchy of this life was all too cruel, I ended up leaving the group full of bruises and scars, that doesn't matter, as long as I lived, I can wait for the day where I am finally free...

Grade 5, I transferred school again, I had less confidence because I never knew any people, and was absent for my first day.

To my surprise again, there were only 9 students, but this time I never felt any hope, I was always alone during those days, drawing as I listen to their funny conversations, wishing that I could join in one day...