What's the first word that comes to your mind when you hear the word 'father' or 'dad'? Do you picture yours as the loving kind of parent? Perhaps you see your father as the protective type that still takes your feelings into consideration even after an argument. Maybe he's encouraging you to take that next step in fulfilling your dream or maybe it's some words of wisdom to get you through a tough day or choice in your life. Is he the one supporting you and the rest of your family? Emotionally? Financially?
I'm hoping a majority of you are saying something positive because for me it was none of those things. It wasn't up until I was almost fifteen that I actually started to witness and rebel against his abuse. Until then, did I turn a blind eye? Did I try to cover it up with nonsense? No.
My world was made into an image from the very beginning by this man and I had no control over it. It was molded and shaped into my father's image and I felt sorry for anyone that tried to defy my father. I was terrified for them because I knew the consequences for stepping just a centimeter out of line.
Everything might not be in order in my story. My brain might be trying to push out the bad memories and protect me which is just an example of how powerful your mind actually is on it's own. There might be missing pieces but I know what I felt in those moments and I know what I saw. I can't pinpoint where the overprotective and violent man started to appear in front of me as a kid. All I can remember is that it was always there and progressively got worse. But, I want to make one thing very clear;
Nothing is made up and nothing is over exaggerated. Everything is word for word.
YOU ARE READING
Control
Non-FictionSometimes a father's love can never be gained. The majority of my childhood was spent in a small room that I shared with my little brother. Outside of that was in fear.
