The Real Me (BXB)

Chapter One

Hayden

Did you ever get the feeling that you just don't belong no matter how hard you tried. That whatever you did wasn't enough for that one person, you just wanted them to say I'm proud of you. And that person was your own birth mother.

Getting straight A's , being a model student, listening and never misbehave ,hiding your real self just so my mother would like me, and still it wasn't enough.

It never was .

The reflections of the mirror showing the seemingly perfect son and not the cracks that where within him. Doing that for years takes a toll on you, and you start letting out your frustrations in other ways .Ways where you can feel and see, but it's invisible to the rest of the world, not that if it was visible my mother would care.

My father and I had a really great relationship and we would always spend time with each other, up until I turned thirteen . He then was rarely at home because of work and never decided to change that. But when he did come home, my mother would always take up his time with her neediness, even though he did try to make time for me but it just wasn't enough .

I first started smoking when I was 14. I did it just a couple of times it was the group pressure and my now ex boyfriend that led me to it, but after some time I realised that it took my mind of things, but it also made me different and stupid and my rational thoughts were nonexistent. I started doing some really bad shit.

It first started with just spraying, after some time it was pickpocketing and shoplifting, clubbing and drinking . My Ex was 19 and had some connections to get me in these clubs, where he once beat a guy to a pulp just for speaking to me and then blamed me for letting it happen .

Way to late did I realise what a toxic guy he was and what he did to me was practically grooming.But he caught me at a vulnerable time in my life , the time were my mum hit me for the first time .

It was my 13th Birthday and my dad at that time had to leave the city for work, so it was just me and my mom . It was a Saturday and I woke up to loud yelling so I went downstairs and heard my mother arguing over the phone with my Father ,,He is 13 now not 5 he doesn't need a celebration anymore, I mean you didn't even care enough to stay for it so don't blame me. He has to realise that not everything in life will go his way. The sooner the better and now stop getting on my nerves ," she yelled and ended the call.Then she took her purse and left the house.

I spend the entire day alone in the lonely house.Except for my Father and grandparents who called to congratulate me no one else did.I didn't really had friends because my mother said that it would only distract me and like the good son I was, I listened. Later that night she came back drunk and angry. I was in my room, in bed and while I tried getting up the slap she had given me woke me up completely.

,,Because of you your father and I fought, can't you do anything right ", and I felt another sting on my other cheek.She gave me two more until she was satisfied and left my room. I couldn't sleep that night and as soon as the sun was up I left the house .

I went to a cafe that was twenty minutes away and sat there ordering a cake. A cake that I saw as my belated birthday cake.

As soon as I took the first bite I started silently crying.

That's  when he came . Parker Stevens.

He comforted me. Was nice to me and invited me to spend the day with him after I told him about my birthday . I don't even know why I told him, but I probably would've told anyone as long as they showed a bit of interest. That day he took me to the movies and later to the arcade. After that day we met up regularly and a month  later,I had my first kiss and a boyfriend.

When I realised that I was gay, I thought that it would be better that my homophobic family, except for my awesome grandmother didn't know about it .With the way my mom always said what disgusting fags they were and dad saying that there weren't real men, I wouldn't dare telling them.But my granny was differnt.

I was 12 when we last visited my grandparents, who lived out of state. We used to live there too,but well new job, new home.I used to play with one of the kids from the neighbourhood, who later that summer moved away. Kevin and I were inseparable, and I cried myself dry when he moved and my granny was the one consoling me.

On the day of our departure my granny helped me packing, and talked to me about different people and different feelings, and how it isn't wrong or bad to be different than others . And that she would love me no matter what.I didn't understand at that time but later when I did, I was more than grateful that she told me that.

Unfortunately my grandparents and my mother do not get along that well and we stopped visiting them and I rarely talked to them.
I made the mistake to tell Parker about my homophobic parents, who then would use that information against me a couple of times, and my dumbass thought that he meant good.

But what kind of good person would do that and questions your love if you talked back . But I still stayed with him, because he would let me take refuge at his ,when my mom would decide to show me her way of love again.

I was more and more doubtful about our relationship and realised that I didn't really loved him. I tried to distance myself from him, and break up with him, which only seemed to make him mad.Whenever I tried to break things off he always found a way to make me stay.

On my 15th birthday I lost my virginity.

Throughout our relationship he always complained that I never slept with him, and always tried to convince me to do it, but something always seemed to stop me from doing that step until he decided by himself that I was ready, and it didn't matter what I said.I felt so dirty afterwards, and that was the last straw.

After a week of arguing, fighting and crying I finally broke up with him.

He didn't like that obviously.

One night at the dinner table the door bell started ringing and my mother went to open the door.

What I didn't expect was that Parker would be the uninvited guest and as soon as my  mother sat down again, I started to get up to prevent what I knew was coming.

It was too late, he had dropped the bomb.It was silent and he left right after with a smirk on his lips .

After that night my father would avoid me and drown himself in work more than usual, and my mother would take every opportunity to tell me what a failure of a son I was for her and dad, and not just verbally .

Having to deal with all that on my own, with no one by my side.Crying and hurting by myself.

And it stayed  that way until my 16 year old self decided to change things .

Hayden Dallas
He is 175cm.
Brown hair and hazel eyes.
Rather lanky but still athletic.
16 years old

So that was my first chapter I hope you liked it. I do welcome criticism as long as it is not insulting .

Picture of Hayden up there

Next chapter will be the present setting. This chapter was more of an recap of Haydens life even though there will be flashbacks of his past throughtout the story.