WHEN HEARTS FALTER, completed.

me

leave me and be happier
i wish you well
leaving you, who embraced my
awkward self who learned love for the first time, behind

dear yoohyeon, 

this is me pouring out my heart for you. my ending note to our past, to the love i had always wanted. i bared it all for you, naked with my emotions splayed across my face and heart on my sleeve. you were my first love, my first kiss, my first everything. when you get this letter i hope you're doing better with the person you truly love with all your heart. i hope that i have gotten over you as well, it might take  days, weeks, months but what can i do, your love for me messed up my heart. reducing it to just a organ that pumps blood. you took your chance to break it as well. you broke my heart and didn't let me speak my mind. 

putting up this facade of us being in love, me loving you. i don't, i don't love you anymore. i used you as rebound and trust me i thought i had actually fallen in love with you and didn't have to pretend anymore but i guess i was wrong. i fell in love with someone else, real love where my heart beats faster than it did with you and i love with my entire heart. 

you might have an idea of how those words left me dazed and confused. i didn't have words to say back so i'm taking my chance to do it now. 

yoohyeon, i had tried my best to love someone for the first time. you gave me butterflies and made my cheeks turn red and in return i tried to give you the kind of love you had been looking all your life. love that makes you feel warm and content. the feeling of coming home. comforting love that you desired. the type of love where you tear down the wall you had built which left you vulnerable.

a love where there was understandings, communication, space and truth. maybe i hadn't tried enough or you had put up a really good facade of loving me to hide the feelings that weren't there in the first place. all your lies, love that was pretence. somewhere in my mind all i can think of saying right now is maybe if you had loved me. maybe if you had tried loving me, given me a chance, we would have lasted longer than this. 

i know i'm being petty right now, blaming you for this broken heart of mine but i can't help it. you had me trapped with those eyes. those eyes that still make me care for you and the life you lead now. i'm finally letting you go, the lover i never had. 

this time, i hope your heart doesn't falter.