Series 2: Bluer Than Blue

CHAPTER 1

Everything has a reason. I always heard that line, darating kaya ang oras na malalaman ko ang dahilan nang lahat ng ito? Then when? When will it comes? Tsaka ba ito darating Kung kailan ayoko nang malaman ang dahilan at Wala na akong pakialam kahit marinig ko pa ang rason Kung bakit lahat na ata ng komplikasyon at kamiserablihan naranasan ko na?

I have a patience longer than the hair of rapunzel, but just like a thin Strand of hair, Kaya nitong maputol at mapiksi.

" You fine?" napabalik ako sa ulirat nang marinig ko na may nagsalita.

" always" sabi ko na ikinangiwi nito, yeah, always. Dahil Wala naman akong choice kundi maging ayos.

"di ka pa ba muna hihinto sa kakaaral ng kakaaral, ha Alex?! Ako na ang napapagod sa ginagawa mo e! Ang utak ko, teka meron ba ko non?" natawa ako sa sinabi nito. Sam is one of my friend, lahat na ata ng kamalasan na nangyare sakin nasaksihan na nya.

" My Dad wants me to have the highest Latin honor" pagbubukas ko ng usapin dito. I mean, I think I can do that Dahil kahit papaano ay may utak naman ako at masipag pero yung pinakamataas? Yung ikaw ang pinakamagaling? Ibang usapan na ata yon. Pagkuha pa nga Lang ng Latin honor ang hirap na paano pa Kaya yon, siguro nabaliw na ako. But my dad wants it, I can't do anything about that.

" eh Kung si tito Alexis na lang Kaya ang pagaralin mo at sya kamo ang kumuha ng lintek na Latin honor na yan!?" mataas na tonong Sabi na nito Kaya ang Ilan na nandito sa cafeteria ay napapatingin sa amin.

"pagiging psychiatrist ang kinuha mo pero mukhang ikaw ang unang mababaliw ngayon palang dahil sa gusto ng tatay mo!, kausapin mo Kaya si tito?" I look at her sadly and tiredly. Kung Kaya ko Lang kausapin si dad na hindi ko talaga Kaya, matagal na sana, at siguro maayos pa ang utak ko ngayon.

" you knew him very well. If he wants it for you then you need to do it, kahit ano pang pagdaanan mo Para Lang masunod ang kagustuhan nya" mahabang Sabi ko dito. Napabuntong hininga ito at mukhang sumusuko na agad sa paguusap namin.

"Can't you disobey Tito for once? He's kind I know but he is being too much to you!, his expectation are too much too handle kahit na sabihin natin na  matalino ka!pero  hindi Lang sa pagaaral umiikot ang mundo mo, ayaw ka ba nyang sumaya't magkaroon ng social life?" pabarang na nasabi nito, I get her point but I really can't.

" Kaya ko pa naman Sam , hayaan nalang natin si dad, atleast I'm F-free, right? " sabi ko na naging dahilan upang tumaas at magsalubong ang dalawang kilay nito.

"Free?!" she sarcastically said,  "bahala ka nga Dyan alex, Alam mo masasampal na kita sa kabaitan mo, ipagawa kana kaya namin ng monumento?! Ano gusto mo yon?,tas ang nakalagay, the monument of Alexandrite the great! " I just laughed on what she said. She sighed heavily and looked at me.

"tss,,,, at ano pa nga ba? But if you need our help, call us okay? Puntahan ka agad namin Nila gab." nakangiti nang Sabi nito. I'm happy to hear that but I don't want to, may problema din sila at sa tingin ko Kaya ko pa naman to Diba? Siguro? Basta, matatapos din naman tong problema na ito.

" Susunduin ka ng driver nyo? "tanong nito nang nasa labas na kami ng school.

" si dad ang susundo sakin, he said he wants to talk about something important. " sabi ko.

" sige na, ingat ka okay? Andoon na daw ang aking beautiful parents na pinagmanahan ko ng kagandahan,baka isipin ni mama lumalantod na naman ako" pagkasabi non ay agad na itong sumakay sa kotse at muling kumaway bago umalis.

My smile vanished when this time  I'm alone again, my friends are lucky to have the family that many of us wanted, I said that,not because I regret for having my dad, I love him so much but sometimes I just wish for his understanding that I am just a human who can't do everything he wish me to do.

I close my eyes when the wind blew upon my face, standing on the side of the waiting shed, smelling the fresh cold air, while a single tear fall down on my face because of the heaviness feeling I always felt.

I quickly dried it when I saw our car arriving, I put back my smile again when I saw my father looking at me signaling me to go inside the car without nodding and smiling.

" when we arrive at home, go to your room, re-read your lesson and do an advanced reading." my dad commanded with his eyes still focus on the road. I don't know where this set-up started, dumating nalang itong araw na naging ganito na ang kilos ni dad, commanding me like I'm one of his employee. I think I'm already used to it.

" Dad, you said you want to talk to me about something? " mahinang tanong ko dito.

"I already told you alexandrite, re-read and do an advanced reading!" maikling sagot nito sakin, I'm expecting to hear other topic from him except studying but I forgot that Mr. Alexis Buena is my father.

"I thought you will tell me something important?" I ask him baka may iba pang sasabihin bukod sa magaral ako at pataasin ang grado ko.

He looked at me then to the road again and answered me.

"you having a highest Latin honor is very important."

"more important than telling me who and where is my mother?" hindi ko Alam kung saan nanggaling ang tapang Kong itanong yon sa ama ko.

Tumigil ang sasakyan at nakita Kong nasa bahay na kami, I look at my father, I think I mistook that I saw some strange emotion on his eyes.

" I told you to stop asking me about that, Wala akong sasabihin na kahit na ano tungkol sa nanay mo alexandrite, Wala." Saad nito

"kahit pangalan dad? Kahit ayon Lang, kahit pangalan Lang ni mom, hindi parin ba pwede?!" pagsusumamo ko dito, I really  want to know my mother but everytime I'm asking him about her existence he is always like that, gusto ko itong makilala baka sakaling maramdaman Kong kumpleto ako, I always feel empty, dad always here with me but I can't really feel it, am I bad to ask for  my mother hoping that I'll finally feel what family is?

"alexandrite!"mataas na na tonong suway nito sakin.

" Dad, Kung sakali bang magawa ko ang gusto nyo, Kung magkaroon ako ng pinakamataas na karangalan, sasabihin nyo na ba Kung sino ang nanay ko??, dad pipilitin ko! Kakayanin ko yon!!" bumabagsak na ang luha Kong pagsusumamo na pakinggan ako nito

"go to your room now, alexandrite!!" matapos nyang sabihin yon, tumalikod at umalis na ito.

I can't stop my tears. Dad, why can't you tell me? Hindi ko Alam kung bakit ayaw nyang sabihin sakin, wala akong kahit na Alam, mula sa pangalan, sa mukha, boses o kahit manlang malaman Kung buhay pa ba ito,,, anong rason mo dad?!.

I look up at the stars while wiping the wet tears keep falling unto my face. I smile sadly, is this the life you wanted me to live? It is only the beginning yet I want to just end it here now. Please be good to me!.