just something I want to show you

im too nice

You know... im too much of a nice person to start ignoring you.
I'm too much of a nice person to hate you.
I'm too trusting.
Even after all of what has happened to me in the past for trusting people too much, I still trust you.
If I could go back in time, I would go back just to see you for the first time again.
If I could go back in time I would go back just to say "yes" to the fist question you asked me.
I would go back to hear your laugh for the first time again
To see you smile
To fall in love all over again.
But I can't.
So I dont.

You broke my trust.
What makes it worse is you broke my heart as well.
But I can never hate you for it.
If I could go back in time, I would go back just to share more laughs with you.
To possibly help you with shit you're in.
To see you dress nice for the first time again.
To see you again.
I want to know though...
Why did you fuck up my mental health like that?
You told me one week.
You barley even gave me two seconds.
If I could go back in time, I would go back to tell myself to not fall for you.
But I don't think that would stop me.
If it could stop me, then something isn't right.
If I could go back just to tell myself that, then I would have already.

Fuck
If I could go back in time I would ask you sooner.
I would help you with more things
Then maybe you would like me now.
But no.
You're a straight man.
And I'm a trans boy.
It could never work.
Because you like girls.
And I liked you.
But godamnit I wanted to be with you so fucking badly that I confessed twice, hoping that things would change.
But no.
You're just an inconsiderate asshole who thinks too highly of himself.
Who thinks he's all that.
But also has really bad self esteem issues

I'm too much of a nice person to hate you though.
If I could hate you, I would have already.
All my friends are trying to get you out of their lives.
But I'm too nice for that.
I want to keep you in my life.
I want to stay.
Why? You may ask,
But the answer is simple;
Because im too much of a nice person to just let our friendship die.
I'm too much of a nice person.
And that is just awful.
Because I'm too trusting.
I'm too loyal
I'm too relent on people
I'm too scared of rejection
But if that were true, why I confess twice?
I hate myself for it.

If I could go back in time, I would stop myself from being friends with you.
After that first question, I would never speak to you again.
Then, maybe I wouldn't be in so much shit right now.

That's it. Tell me how you feel about this person. Because I for one hate myself for ever liking him. I dont know why, but I still do. God I'm so fucking stupid