When cats rule the earth

How it all began

Hello reader, I am mittens the cat. I am a small, chaotic and cute cat. Today I'm telling all you fellow cats, (or humans if you are still hiding) How CATS RULED THE EARTH! 

It was a sad day like any other I sat on my old rugged bed, Which was just an itchy old carpet. I was unfortunate since they could have given me a nice bed. They were in a mansion for Cat's Sake! But anyways, I sat there. The owners had left for work and once again forgot to feed me. I was so weak, tired, and exhausted. 

The owners had another cat, Barney. It was undeniable Barney was their favorite. She had a luxury cat bed and 3 servants! Barney was one of 3 cats. One of her brothers ate a chocolate bar and then disappeared. I liked that cat even more than Barney. He would always let me sleep next to him in his bed. I think because I'm a black cat that's why the owners don't like me. To them, I'm a bad cat who killed one of their cats. Enough of my sadness though. Let's talk about barney's 2nd brother. Oh, I hate him with my life. He is a fat cat because he always wakes up early to eat his food AND MY FOOD! I didn't get to eat for a week in a row once! 

Today Barney woke up to come to check on me. I love her so much. She's like a best friend to me. No, a girlfriend! Never mind, She's like my wife. She pulled down a bag of food on the floor for us to share. "Thanks, Barney," I said as I munched the exploded food off the floor

"No problem!" she said. "Eat up quick before the servants see us!"

Oh, I forgot to mention. The servants were as bad as Barney's alive brother (Mochi.) They are everywhere and it's so hard to create any chaos because they watch me like a hawk!

They came in about 5 minutes later to give Mochi his 4th breakfast but it was too late. We had chewed half of the food in the bag. "Good heavens Mittens! You could have gotten Barney here fat! Bad cat!" This was my first scolding of the day. The minimum scoldings I got per day was 5 and the maximum I ever got was 154. I'm such a baddie cat. Back to the story Mittens!

Barney hissed at the servant and bit his hand as he attempted to sweep me off the floor. "Look what you taught Barney! Bad mittens. Bad, Bad cat!" the servant screeched second scolding of the day. Close to 5 and we're only 10 minutes into the day! I was sure he was going to continue scolding me but instead barney bit him again. "Jesus! Calm down ok? Poor baby. What did the mean Mittens do to you Barney? I'll save you-" The servant barely finished putting his hands down to scoop her when she bit him hard and scratched him until he ran out of the room. 

"Sorry," I said. I felt bad she had a bad tie to her name because she wanted to care for me.  I felt horrible every time she did something for me that upset someone else or hurt them. I wished she just left me be. So I could be a horrible cat by my own standards. Instead of her attempting to hurt the servants, we could be partners in crime. It would be more perfect than anything. We'd be called Marney. Get it? Mittens? Barney? Marney? I'm sure you do if you haven't given up reading yet.

"For what? You didn't need to apologize" Barney exclaimed. She sounded angry so I stayed quiet. She's like the best wife ever. Wives are also very scary.  Everyone with a wife can agree on that. Anyways. "One day I'll get us out of here Mittens. We can be the cat duo who has world domination!" she continued. I laughed a bit. At the time I thought. I'm a silly, weak, cat! How could I of all cats take over the world? I mean, at the time I had no chance. But now. Oh ho ho how the turn tables