Made in the AM

The Accident

**TW- some mention of car accidents, not too graphic but just in case**

     It was a chilly autumn afternoon when Louis Tomlinson decided to pick up his phone while booking it down the freeway. It was that same chilly autumn evening that a sixteen wheeler T-boned his 2012 Honda Civic.

     Louis awoke in a similarly chilly hospital room, the slow beeping of his EKG machine the only noise to be heard. He wishes he had the privilege of not remembering his accident, however, he had full memory of every stupid action that evening - whether he liked it or not. He remembers screaming over the pulsing bass at the party (the noise feeling not unlike his own heart beat at the moment). He remembers telling the boy that it was over, that he never wants to see him again. He remembers trying not to cry as he stormed out of the venue, and he remembers hoping for a text. He remembers picking up his phone on the way home, looking for that text, none was there, he hears a blaring honk from a vehicle - and then the world went dark.

        In the present world there's no blasting music or death machines mounted on sixteen wheels. In his hospital room all there is is a bouquet of flowers labeled "Feel better soon - Michael." It's a gorgeous bouquet, but Louis can't help but feel absolutely enraged by the nonchalance of the note from his ex lover. There were no "feel better soon's" spilling from Michaels lips when they confessed their love for each other on the roof above a mall. No feel better soon's when Louis was throwing up sick from the salmonella Michael gave him after putting raw chicken instead of strawberry yogurt in Louis' parfait as a sick prank. Louis, quite frankly, could not give two fucks about feeling better soon. 

     Louis can't help but feel absolutely alone in this hospital. He feels fine, only there for a broken ankle, but he can't help but notice the black and white difference between his room and the rest of the hospital. Louis is there alone. Absolutely and completely alone. Louis suffered a tremendous loss as a child, having no siblings and two dead parents he was left in the foster system to fend for himself. And still, a decade later..still totally and indefinitely alone.

    The hallways outside of his room are bustling with life, family with family. Even if those families are burdened with the sadness of possibly being one short at Thanksgiving, they still have something and someone to grieve. Mother's having children, children losing their mothers. Louis hates hospitals.

     Louis has always wanted children. He likes the idea of having someone there, someone to love and care for, someone to watch grow up. But Louis is gay, he's been sentenced to a life of hardships and persecution that he would never, ever have to face if he could only love a woman. Louis can't have children without jumping through rings that straight couples hardly ever have to jump through - he resents that, and after this accident Louis is more determined than ever to get what he wants before his time is up.