Dr phil x Big ed One shots 💋

mayo face

It was a warm morning in California when Big Ed awoke from his slumber. He immediately reached for his phone to see if Dr Phil (Big Ed's crush) had messaged him but unfortunately for Big Boy Eddypies, it seemed he hadn't. Big Ed let out a small sigh whilst feeling disappointed and sad. After around 5 minutes of Big Ed feeling sorry for himself, he decided to finally waddle out of his custom made lightning mcqueen 4'11 bedsheets and he slid into his Nicki Minaj signed slippers. Exhausted from the heavy drinking from the night before, (Big Ed went a bit wild on the 7 pints of Guiness) he let out an incredible 47 second yawn. He slipped his pink bodysuit on and paired it with a glittery skirt and his good, old wellies before trotting to the bathroom. He always felt it was right to trot to his bathroom on a morning. Perhaps it was due to the inner furry locked up deep in his heart. He flicked the light on and sat on the toilet to have a massive shite.

"Must've been that wagamamas from yesterday" He said with a seductive tone.
After that he walked over to look at himself in the mirror. Admiring himself, he snapped a quick pic of himself posing in the mirror. But...wait! No... Is that? GREASE!
Immediately Big Ed raced to his kitchen (which was at an average pace of around 4mph) and scooped a large handful of mayo out of his fridges ice dispenser which had been custom made into a mayo dispensing machine. Quickly darting back, he slipped over on a bourbon biscuit which was lying on the floor of the corridor.
"GOODNESS ME!" He screamed,
"WHAT IN THE HUNKY DORY?!"
Disaster. The mayo had gone EVERYWHERE! It was smeared all up the walls and on Big Ed's handsome face. Big Ed attempted to stand but it had inevitablely turned into a slip and slide. It was only when he did the splits for the 6th time he gave in.
*knock knock*
Someone was at the door. However Big Ed was stranded in his hallway with a face full of mayo (which was half price at tesco).
"POOKIE BEAR, ARE YA IN THERE SWEETCHEEKS?" A familiar voice called out.
Dr Phil? Was it him? Big Ed -unable to speak due to the litre of mayo shoved in his mouth as if he were a squirrel preparing for hibernation- rolled around on the floor, attempting to reach the door handle. However it didn't matter due to the fact Dr Phil had burst through the window, using his voluptuous bum cheeks to shatter the glass.
"I'M HERE SUGARLUMPS!" He said with a reassuring tone.
Dr Phil scooped up the last of the mayo and massaged it into Big Ed's head before giving him a juicy kiss on the lips (he also received a mouthful of mayo). And the rest is history..