The state that I'm in. (BEING EDITED)

Out

Hey guys...Double update because you are the greatest. Summer is coming up so more time for you to read. Love ya good luck with exams and all!!!

Please don't forget to vote and comment and thanks to @stylesanchor for the sweet messages and support. Give her book a try...she is publishing soon xxx

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"Your jade eyes and brown hair

your sweet smile and pretty face

who could ever give more care

than me who is trying to trace

that loving feeling in your heart

and make it just come out

I know it's a job so hard

that nobody can count

you left and all my dreams are gone

still you are so near

telling me of all the fun

that in our hearts appear

and now I am left alone

and I am left in fear

that in my life

I will not love

another man...my dear"

"Excellent Miss Cameron...you seem to have captured the feeling of loss as the assignment required...lovely poem indeed...simple and to the point" the professor said and I sat down without responding feeling Rose's stare on me.

She was worried about me. I had shut her completely out. To be honest I had shut everyone out. I was pretty much living in my room alone eating whenever I felt that I really had to, I listened to music and read books, I studied and I went to work because I needed the money and I barely talked to anyone. I answered the phone whenever it was work related or when my mom called because I didn't want to worry her. I hadn't told anyone about Harry and me breaking up either because I didn't want to hear the "I told you so" or simply because I didn't want to admit it that we were over. The flat was a mess and I didn't care. Rose did the cleaning without complaining respecting my need for space and she kept out of the way.

It had been two weeks since Harry and I broke up and there were no more threats, no more "gifts", no more text messages and no more slashed tyres. His father called me a week ago but I didn't answer the phone. I couldn't answer it without breaking down so I avoided it. Actually apart from that night at the hospital I hadn't cried at all. I was just numb to everything. It was as if my body was functioning on its own and I was just breathing. There was something weighing me down, I felt like there was a huge rock pressing my chest that I simply couldn't lift. I know that I sound cliché but all the songs reminded me of him, all the smells, all the sounds and all the places. His words echoed in my head "...and it isn't fair to me..." he was sick of it all. So be it. However the pain had not subsided one bit. I lay in bed, closed my eyes and I could feel how his hands felt on me, how his kisses gave me butterflies to my stomach and how his smell was everywhere.

I smiled whenever I remembered his arguments with Rose and his contagious laughter when he joked around. I remember how he would go out of his way to see me when we first met, how he'd cuddle with me on the sofa and how he'd cover me with a blanket whenever I fell asleep on my huge armchair while I was reading a book. All cliché, all so cheesy and yet all so truly painful.

"Yeah...nothing new. She is fine...she is doing fine" Rose replied from behind the walls obviously talking to either Harry or Lucy. She didn't want them to know what was going on and she didn't bother telling me that they had called although I knew that they did. Leo had come to see me a couple of times but I just sat there in front of the TV until he left just nodding when he asked me something. It was a break up and as such it hurt but it hurt like hell. The emptiness and the ache were fucking unbelievable as Rose would put it.