Everything was really great :]

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by _Akemi_Uzumaki_

by _Akemi_Uzumaki_

29.07.2022
I don't really have any friends so I don't have anyone who I can talk to. That's why I will write everything here :]

I really wanted to life again! I was sooo happy! I wanted to go to collage and everything, I wanted to marry someone, I wanted to life! :D

I was really interested in Ouji and lolita fashion! I loved this style for over than two years, thats why I went to my dad to talk to him and say how much I like this style. Firstly He told me He doesn't like it but He understood that I like it and He listened to what i told.

I was really happy so I went to my mother too, first thing she told me was that they are obsolutely disgusting and they look like prostitutes. I was really sad and disapointed in her. She started to tell me that if I dress like that everyone would rape me. She also told me that lolita is a term used for prostitutes. I was really freaking sad. I mean I knew that in my country they use Word lolita for that, but she was so mean to me. I don't even understand why she was so mean. The whole time I was smiling so she woudn't know that I was sad. The moment she sees I'm sad she thinks I will cut myself (I was slowly stopping cutting). Then she started to tell me how dumb I am. She told me I should act like an adult and think like an adult. I was really sad. Then she started telling me how adulthood is cruel and how domb I am. At some point I started to panic and suddenly I started crying. I told her that I wanted to life but after listening to what she told me I don't want to life anymore. And She started to scream how I am an idiot for thinking like that. At that point I coudn't breath, my chest started to hurt like hell and I stopped crying. I told her with smile in my face(I didn't want to make her even more angry because I was scared of her lmao) that I want some time alone, she was angry but I really needed time I felt like throwing up. I slowly went to my room and I fell on floor. I was laying On floor for about 2 minutes trying to calm down. Then I finaly got up and closed my door.

I started to smile even more to stop crying because I didn't want for anyone to know.

I was texting someone earlier about how much i love ouji fashion and I was planning matching outfit with them, so i deleted every messege that was about jfashion.

And Then i started to write this lol.

I am really sad.

I think I might be suffering from depression, but I am scared of telling my parents about that. I was acting like I was really happy now, so they wouldn't believe it.

My mom is suffering from clinical depression so it is really likely that i inherited depression from her.

I am really scared, I need someone to hug
But I dont really have any one i trust
I really hate it

I wanna be dead
I woudn't be Such a bother.

But anyway!

I am still smiling?
I don't know why tho

<333
I love you to anyone whos Reading this.

I will post my goodbye letter soon :>>