IT ALL STARTED IN HIGH SCHOOL

THE BIG MOVE

When mom passed away my whole world stop spinning. She just dropped me off at school and headed to work. How could she run into a truck at the stop light. My mind was racing. My heart feels as if I am about to die. No. Something just doesn't sounds right. Moms don't die. Moms can't die. I kept repeating those words in my head as if I am expecting my mom to say 'it's just a bad dream baby.' I wanted to make the pain in my chest stop. I want the hurt to stop but it just keeps getting worse. "Ms Scott are you ok?" Even those words meant nothing to me. With tears in my eyes I turned to the doctor who was operating on my mom. "Please help me. Please bring my mom back. I have nobody. I have nothing. Please doctors." I held on to the man's overalls and tugged as if I was his child yearning for his attention. "We did everything we could. She was badly burnt and had several broken bones. One of which punctured one of her lungs." The doctor spoke so soft and gentle. Yet it had no effect. I refused to accept all he was saying. 'Its gonna be ok sweetie.' I could hear the voice of my mom talking in my head. "No. No. No." I screamed.

I jumped up from my continous nightmare. It's been two months since mom passed yet it kept feeling like it was yesterday. I missed my mom. Since she passed I was left in the care of my mother's sister. She is not like my mom. She is more focused on her job than on me or her kids for that matter. Since mom died I have learnt to be more head strong, responsible and capable of making it through each day. I lay in bed looking at the bracelet mom gave me a week before her death. She told me it was to remind me that black women are strong and can weather any situation. This was because I was targeted by senior girls at school who called me ugly and fat because I was first runner up in the school pageant, being the only black female in the competition. I mean aren't I as smart as everyone else? Don't we have the same color blood in our veins? Opportunity is for everyone and I took a chance at one and it was worth it. So why the hate?

Now that I am a senior I try my best to empower and encourage other black girls into being a better them. I am head of high school student council and I plan to keep it that way. I want them to realize that if you put your mind and hard work into a choice you make then it will be worth it. Although I have come across females who have taken the encouragement to a whole other level. BOYS!! I mean I don't get it. What is so encouraging about being owned by a boy? They literally have nothing to worry about except whose panties they want to get into next. I mean come on. They easily get accepted for anything yet women have to work twice as hard to even be recognized as great.
I will never become part of that lifestyle. I have plans for my future. I hope to become a successful businesswoman. I would love to own my very own hair and body salon. Nothing is more empowering than making a woman feel beautiful and comfortable regardless of their body shape and size.

I got out from under the covers and started fixing my bed. Took a quick shower and got ready for my day. The house is too quite for my liking and so I headed towards the kitchen as that's where I can easily find the entire household. But for some reason when I get there it was empty. I wonder where everyone went. I headed for the back yard. I was starting to feel nervous. Its weird that everyone left home without me knowing. "SURPRISE!!!!!!!" Everyone shouted. I jumped. I almost had an heart attack. "Happy Happy birthday Nessa." My cousins yelled at me. "How......when......ummmm.....thank you guys." I answered and walked over to embrace them. Literally everyone was here. All my classmates and even members of the student council team. "How did you guys do this? I mean I didn't even hear a thing." I asked as I looked amazed by everything they had done. "It was planned over a week ago." Aunt Jem tells me. I was surprised and taken aback be this because she is not one to lose a day for events like this. "But what about work?" I asked her. "Nessa you deserve this. Plus am gonna be putting in the work lost today later tonight. So you know I won't be home early." She responded before heading inside the house to make a phone call.

"Nessa! Nessa!" I know that voice all too well. "Hey Claire. What's up?" I answered my best friend. "So how are you enjoying your morning." "Well it's quite surprising. I thought parties were held anytime after 12. I mean this is too surprising." I answered pointing towards the setting of the party. There were balloons everywhere. A chocolate fountain, various refreshments and then there was a table decorated with gifts and a space for what seems like a cake is gonna be there. This was all too much to take in. I am so happy I took a bath before facing all this. I breathed a sigh of relief.
"Make room, make room." Aunty Jem stated coming out with my birthday cake. "It's time for the birthday girl to make a wish." She seems unusual cheerful today. I walked towards her and my cake and everyone gathered before me and started singing happy birthday. It felt so special. It feels like I am loved. "OK make a wish Nessa." One of my baby cousins urged me. I closed my eyes and whispered a wish in my head. Then blow out the candles. "Gift time, gift time." Shouts my other cousin. They are both boys full of energy. One is 6 and the other is 9. "OK let's do this." I answered the 9 years old and made my way towards the gift. "How about opening my gift first?" That voice sounds weirdly familiar. It is a voice I remember hearing for the last time when I was 6 or 7. I wanted to look but I wanted it to be a mind trick. "Hey sunshine." The strange yet familiar voice said.
I slowly turned around. It was as if instead of things falling into place it was falling further apart. "Wha......why are you here?" I ask the masculine figure standing before me. "Why, it's your birthday and I am here to see how my daughter who has turned 17. Wow. You look just like your mom." He was making me really upset. "Don't talk about mom." I answered trying to hold my anger in. I didn't want to make a scene. I told the gift from his outstretched hand. "Thank you." I muttered under my breath and gave a fake smile.

As the party went on and everyone was dancing to the soft vibrant music played by the DJ I noticed my aunt and father having a one and one conversation. They keep pointing in my direction while talking. This can't be good I thought to myself.
Claire came up to me and it seems as if we telepathically know what was happening. "So you think he is here to stay or here to take you away?" She asked. My heart skipped a beat at the thought of him staying or me leaving with him. "Neither. I just want this day to be over and him to be gone." I answered taking a can of coke from the refreshment stand.
Even though it's my birthday and I should be happy and grateful for my aunt putting it together, I just feel as if my father being here ruined it.

After the party ended and we cleaned up the place my aunt called me to the living room. Saying it's important. "Yea. What's up?" I asked still aware of the fact that my father is still hanging around. "Your father and I have come to a mutual agreement that it's better if you go live with him." She said. "Wait. Hold on. What?" I said in an alarmed state. "No. It's been years since he came around and now he is here to take me away. No. I won't go." I responded, folding my arm across my chest. "You don't have any choice. He is technically your legal guardian. Please don't make this hard. Your mom would not want you to do this." Aunt Jem's face was just emotionless. Seems as if she isn't even moved by the fact that I don't want to leave. "Nessa I want to make up all the lost years. I didn't have a choice back then but I do now. I want to be the father I never was. I want a chance to show you how much I love you." His words felt secure. It felt like he was filling the void mom left. "Why now? Why not when mom was around?" I asked. Hoping to get an answer that was worth it.
"I got locked up when you were 7 and your mom wanted nothing to do with me. She gave me many chances to stop what I was doing but I didn't. After serving my 4 years sentence I wanted to make something of myself before facing you guys again. I wanted you guys to be proud of the man I am now. When I heard what happened to your mom I almost went crazy. I didn't know how to face you. I blamed myself. I......" Seeing him breakdown was not something I enjoyed. It only breaks my heart. "Dad...dad..." hearing myself say those words warmed my soul. It feels as if I could keep saying that word for eternity. I walked over to him and comforted him. "It's ok. It's ok. I am sorry for what you went through." Is forgiveness this easy? I started questioning myself and my emotions.