Because he came in my life
we changed from a hey to paragraphs from stupid things
to me expressing my pain. He listened but never shared.
we changed from me never noticing him in a crowd or
around our class together.
Now I see him every where like a detective looking for clues.
lingering at his smiles , his laughs , and his eyes.
But besides that I noticed that in between the
"we" I changed.
I didn't always get emotional when watching someone who claims
to not like you hold you like your theirs.
I didn't always get a spark of excitement when you sent me
a text or acknowledged me in the hallways.
And I definitely didn't express my self like a open book
to you when I knew you used and had the potential
of hurting me. They would call it a brokenhearted
girl cliche.
but I'm not brokenhearted, we both play the silent game so well
that I became openhearted. I knew the spark but
I was fine if I never got another one like it again.
I've learned that its alright to be indecisive about someone
even if they do hurt you a lot
It's not intentionally and it's not your fault and you can't change it.
To be honest most of the time I over think.
I feel like I set my self up for failure so before it happens I try
to stop what I think caused it. But when I realize it might be you
I look away or become blind to it.
so What I'm really saying I learned
was that I can't live without you for right now.
I know you might leave but because of you
I feel like I'm prepared for it even though when I least
expect it I will fall and probably hurt
myself. But this might just be another moment
of me over thinking.
