DIARY of the TRAUMATIZED EMPATH

Childhood Trauma

Everyone has childhood trauma. I don't care if your parents made a million dollars a month and you had all of the material superficial things you "needed" and wanted. But I can almost guarantee that 125% of humans have some form of emotional trauma which trickles into your early adulthood and so on.

Julie had been through a lot, but at first glance, you would never guess the struggles she had to overcome alone.

Abigail gave birth to Julie Parks on November 1, 2001, at the age of 19. When Abigail was 18, she had met a man named Johnny. Johnny was a an entrepreneur, carpenter, very very intelligent man. Even though he was 28, Abigail couldn't resist her burning attraction for him. Their connection grew, and soon enough they were living together. At age if 18, Abigail had to face many challenges due to the choice of company she chose to surround herself with. Johnny had impregnated Abigail, and 3 months later, died.

Cause of Death: Betrayal.
Or at least that's what Julie would say.
He had a severe addiction to Heroin, and didn't think that having a baby was worth trying to get sober. But, Julie is aware, he is always with her.
It's so crazy because Julie has no idea who her father is, or anyone on her biological side. She's a family girl, she loves her Mother and Sister more than life itself, so as you can imagine, she gets extremely emotional since she doesn't really have any other family she can share her love to.

A little secret between us.
Julie IS different. She is meant to share her unique love to everyone around her. Heal everyone with her voice, touch, her eyes, her presence over all. She is all love, and she has everything she wants and needs. She just needs to understand her worth and love herself unconditionally. She's getting there, but of course, temptation calls, darkness falls...

Speaking of falling.

Since Abigail lost the father of her unborn baby, and had to initially raise Julie by herself at 19, In one of the most dangerous cities, Chicago. When Julie was 4, her and Abigail would walk to the corner store and back looking for change to buy a piece of pizza.
Abigail would probably eat about two bites, and always fed the rest to Julie, knowing that her stomach would be in terrible agony all day. She worked non stop, and barely ate. But it was okay, as long as Julie was smiling and happy and safe..
that's what she thought.

Because Abigail had to work so much, Julie had a lot of babysitters. Always different people, supposedly knowing what she needs and is supposed to take care of her?
Julie hated babysitters.
She's had two really bad experiences when she was 3-5 while she was staying at her babysitters.

The first traumatic event(s) took place from ages 3-4, at her babysitter Wendy's house. Wendy was a good friend of Abigail, and had always treated her like family. So she knew Julie was in good hands.
Only she wasn't.
Wendy had a son.
He was older, but probably just hitting puberty.
Julie would sleep in his room every night because he had bunk beds that Julie was fascinated by. She quickly learned what she had to do to be allowed on the top bunk.. so she did it.
Then she learned what she had to do to get a blanket. She was confused, but cold. So she did it.
Then, she was told that she must come down and say goodnight before she was allowed to go to sleep for the night.
Exhausted from being a child, and running around all day, Julie hesitated. She had never been yelled at like that before.. all because she just wanted to sleep, and heights made her nervous?
Well, she went down and was truly introduced to Wendy's son.
Julie went there multiple times a week,

Same routine. Every night.

Until one night, things changed.

Wendy came into his room, trying to appear calm.
What Wendy didn't know was Julie was different. Julie could understand how people felt, she could read energy. Only problem was, she didn't really know what emotions were, she just felt what other people felt sometimes.
Julie knew Wendy was mad and scared.
Wendy took Julie into her bedroom when it was time for bed.
Julie was directed to a nice, fuzzy, large sized dog bed on the ground, next to the queen sized mattress, 3 feet off the ground. Julie lied on the cotton cushion on the floor questioning what is going on. Wendy snored, Julie kind of liked that. It made her thoughts slow down for just a second.

That was the new routine now.

Until one night, Wendy's son came into the bedroom, and told Julie to come sleep with him, told her that he missed her.
Julie didn't really have a choice.

That was the routine...

Little bit later, Julie moved to a different block on the city, so she went to a new lady. Darleen.
Darleen was cool, but damn was she kinda fucked up.

It would be Julie's nap time, so Julie would go in the pack and play, right in front of the ginormous flat screen tv. Darleen loved scary movies. Her favorite ones were Saw and Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Nap time is movie time. You fall asleep to the movie. Her movie. Her favorite movies. Volume all the way up. So Julie tries to sleep but just hears piercing screams and watch bodies be severed, blood everywhere, people lying and being evil, fake monsters, and even rape.

It didn't help that another child Darlene babysat would sit on top of Julie and push his thumbs into her eyeballs until she cried. Then pretend like nothing happened when someone would come to check on me.

Julie has seen a lot.
Julie has been through a lot.
Julie is so powerful, and she knows it.