One Day

No one understood. It wasn't as if I expected them to, really. In reality, there wasn't anyone who could understand, even if they tried. You see, I wasn't perfect; I've never met a living soul who was. But there's so many people that think they are, so many people that expect me to be. I know I always disappoint, I only talk to one person, Hudson, and there was no way in hell I was going to talk to a counselor, even if my brother had wanted me to, that wasn't like me. If I had to go to someone who listened to my problems and got paid to do so, I'd have to admit I was losing a grip on what life was about.

“Never again." I say, shaking my head vigorously.

“Ever.”

“That was a blast! We have to do that again!".

"Be my guest, Hudson." I point to the path, over-grown with wild plants.

"Just don't kill yourself."

"Calm down, it's just cliff diving."

"My point exactly."

We both look at each other. He smiles and his eyes send out a smile of their own.

"My point is you need to loosen up."

He pokes at me, sticks out his tongue and then runs up the covered path.

"Be careful" My voice echoes after him.

"No promises!"

I laugh and yell “See you tonight!”

“For sure!” He yells back.

Soon he is just a blur mixed into the forest; I turn and start to walk. The nature around my house was beautiful. The trees stood tall, as if they were being called to the heavens. They were full too, branches wide, they stretched out far. The types of birds here were select, but the rest of the animals around were flourishing with personality and joy. Normally you could hear the calls of the wolves at night, or the sound of hyenas atrocious laughs. Even though the complexity of my world was hard to except, there was no reason to be unhappy with it. The world itself was streaming with a beautiful palette of colors.

            My life though, was dull. Fading at the edges, like a black and white painting of the Sun. It was streamed from all life. Like the book you've read a thousand times before, and now, was just a dust collector sitting on a high shelf, somewhere in someone else's home.

I sit beside the willow, down the stone road, and listen to the water. Rushing between rocks, pounding hard against the brick wall. The brick wall. The one I climb over every day, in secret, because it’s against the law. The one that isolates me from the river.

My childhood still plays in that river. It splashes in red rain boots, letting the water cover her. Soak her. Shield her, from what she was afraid of.

I think too much.

I pick a pen and a pencil and draw.

I don’t really know what I’m thinking when I draw, but this time I guess I was thinking of an Angler fish, because that’s what ended up on my paper.

My brother and I used to fish all the time. We’d spend days out on the river bend, retying gear and releasing fish. It was always something to look forward to. Something that, even though it was a really bad time in life, still put a smile on my face.

The Angler fish was a scary sort of fish, with spikes down the backside, and has a finlike thing that sticks out from the top of their head. My picture was almost life like as it danced around on my paper.