Poems of Life (Depression, Love, Etc.)

Failure

I have failed at so much,

My parents view me as

Nothing more than a disgrace,

I am nothing more than a disgrace.

I am utterly disgusting,

So utterly foul and revolting,

But the worst part is that

You're no longer here to hold me.

I guess I sound like a whimpering brat,

But the truth is: I need you,

I need you to stay, and

I'm sorry for everything.

I-I love you when I don't even know you,

It feels so wrong, but it feels so right,

What has become of me?

I can never live this down.

My heart beats for you

When you do not exist,

No one like you exists,

But I trick myself into this false hope

That, somehow, I will be with you

In some place other than my dreams

And I weep in response to my foolish desires,

Why do I want so much?

I don't deserve you, that's why you don't exist,

You would never fall for me if you existed, I would

Only be a stepping stone on your path to glory

As you conquered all, my heart laying upon a platter,

Why do I do the things I do?

I told myself you were real in order

To satisfy myself, am I selfish?

I-I just want you to myself, am I selfish?

I sigh as I wake from another dream of you,

My heart set upon you when you are a figment

Of my imagination that shall never be real,

No matter how much I desire it.

Oh, how I need you, I weep over you,

You can't glimpse beyond your lidded eyes,

You can't hear, your ears are closed,

My heart beats for you, your heart doesn't beat.

How silly, to love a demon, how silly to even care,

I was a fool to even try and shield myself from emotions,

They came back and tore me apart, -

I fell in love with a demon who isn't even real.