Tainted Love

Chapter 3 - KAS' Shadow, My Reflection...

Two whole months had passed and I was nowhere near being over Kemaree. I had not started seeing anyone else and I was still kinda depressed. Instead, I gave my all to my school work and hung out at school with my eight-oh! My girls and I went straight home after school. I never wanted to stumble upon anyone. I was still mourning my fruitless friendship that had ended.

I can remember clearly how depressed I was to the point where even my aunt saw it but she thought I just missed having my mom around, she would have never imagined that it was due to a boy.

So there I was sitting on my stoop reading my class literature when I saw the postmaster, he stopped at my gate, and I gave him the normal greeting and collected the letters.

Now normally I would check the letters to see if my mother had written to me from the United Kingdom, which she did. There was also another letter addressed to me from the United States. My first thought was maybe it was my absentee father but I then remembered that there was a reason we called him an absentee father, at that moment my mother's letter did not matter, and I ripped the other letter open. My eyes swell with tears as i read:

Dear Kallie,

I know you must not want to hear from me and I don't blame you, I hope you can forgive me for leaving so soon. I am just finally getting settled into this school and yes I have to live in the hall of the University.

This is nothing like St. Bahampton, the people here are so different and the culture is weird. Most importantly I am not with you and I can't see you smile to make my day or brush against you to feel your warmth.

I am so sorry that I didn't admit to you all the details in my letter to you that I had given you upon my leaving, I just did not know how to tell you and I did not want to complicate things and ended up losing my best friend, especially after what I know you went through in your past relationship.

But please believe me when I say I will never forget you and as soon as I finish school I WILL be coming back for you! My cousin and aunt live 45 minutes away from my university and she has promised me a mobile cellular phone. Please write to me at the address on the envelope, I miss you Kallie and I love you.

Yours truly,

Kemaree.

It was then that I remembered that I had not read the letter he gave me on that day nor did I open the gift bag. I dropped the new letter like hot bread and ran breathlessly to my room, flung open the chest, and ripped open the letter.

Kallie,

I wish I didn't wait until now to tell you how much you mean to me! You know and I know you aren't just my best friend but my entire world. I will come back for you!

I love you so much, from the first day I saw you I loved you! If you can't wait for me I understand, but I will be waiting for you!

-Kemaree

After reading that letter, it is a good thing I was home by myself because my dear I cried so hard. Never in my life have I ever cried and wept that much.

Life was not fair.

Kemaree sent me letters every month and I ignored everyone, mainly because I was upset and angry with both him and myself, I regretted not opening his first note because to me if i had opened it, I would have held on to the hope of us being together despite the sudden leaving of my Kemaree, I had made my heart weak and hard all at the same time.

Two months had passed I think, and it was my birthday, my mother had sent monies for me and my aunt to get us mobile cellular phones, and even though I was very upset that she did not make an effort to come for my birthday - I was happy for the phone. Plus I was the only other girl with one - only Jackie had another, as her mother was a teacher and her father a Police Inspector so you could say she was well off.

We of course exchanged numbers and we called each other for the silliest of things, just because we could, and so we did. I remember her getting so excited one morning at the entrance of the school gate telling me that I had a surprise in store, but we were getting ready to graduate school and so I thought it was a surprise pertaining to such, I never paid Jackie any mind. School ended and as usual, I went straight home. That evening though I decided I was gonna walk home.

The walk home from school was about 15 minutes at a slow pace and I was just about to start my trek when my mobile rang. I looked at the small screen and it was a number I had never seen before, so I paused my walk to answer.

It was Kemaree!!

I answered and it was like a dream to me, because after months and months, I was finally hearing his voice once more. It was surreal, it was gratifying, and all of a sudden my heavy heart was enlightened. I stood in the same spot for the entire conversation, and I didn't want it to be over. Once the call ended I floated all the way home, and I had no further heartache, my body, my mind, and my spirit knew no sorrow and were at ease.

Kemaree and I spent hours after that day over the phone. My aunt threatened me many times to take my phone away because most times I wasn't able to do any of my chores to completion or any good at all. I was in love and he professed his love for me almost hourly.

Young, restless, and foolish. That's what we were. I told my friends nothing about him, not even Jackie. I enjoyed keeping him to myself, our little moments, our time, our calls, and our messaging. I wanted to share him with no one.

My granny had a saying "Anything that stays too long serves two masters". Boys mature sexually faster than girls and Kemaree was three years older than me, so then and there you could understand he would have needs. Needs that I could not have fulfilled a thousand miles away from him.

And he never did tell me directly, but my love and heartbeat was being served by two masters, me and the likle nurse girl that worked on his school campus. I would tell you how I found out but I don't like indulging in all my business. I will tell you though that it was through a conversation I overheard as he thought he had hung up the phone.

A part of me wanted to be mad at him and another part of me was understanding to a fact, but the jealousy in me, kept me heated and kept me upset, but being young, naive, and most of all in love, kept me right at his side, strung along.

I never told him I knew about his night nurse and I told myself that the fact that he was hiding her meant I was the important one. Young girls listen carefully, do not be stupid as I was when it comes on to men. That thought that kept me sane and in love, was the worst advice I ever gave myself.

Our relationship continued in lust, infatuation, lies and deceit for two whole years. I eventually graduated Secondary school and days turned to weeks and promises of Kemaree returning to visit grew empty, my shadow disappeared and my reflection got fogged and disappeared. I held on to him, until...