DONTMAKEMEFALLINLOVE || Billy Hargrove, Stranger Things

Season 4 Bonus Chapter XI.*

(author's note: you know what the asterisk means. adult content ahead)

It was Diana's decision to leave Billy in Max's room for however long he needed so he'd have the chance to speak with her. She stayed in the hallway outside. Billy didn't want her to leave his side, but whatever he wanted to say to Max was better off between the two. As various nurses passed Diana, they offered sympathetic smiles when they observed the girl's red eyes and pale cheeks on her emotionless expression.

Back inside the room, it'd taken much more strength than Billy expected to stand up from the floor and stare at Max again. Billy wanted to hold her hand, but he didn't know if she would've allowed him to if she was awake. "Hey shitbird," Billy grinned over the memory of the use of that word, but his lips returned to a frown. "Sorry–we just used that made up word a lot back then.

"Big shocker, but I'm alive–maybe deep down you've always had a feeling. But I've been thinking about the day you and I would meet again, and honestly, I never really wanted to," Billy bit his lip to keep from shaking, "you and I hated each other, so when I was gone, I thought you wouldn't care. I thought my death would allow you to move on. I guess I did deserve something bad to happen to me, but umm–I'm sorry, Max."

Billy clasped his hands together. He needed something to hold since his fingers wouldn't stop fidgeting. His heart hammered in his chest as he spoke. Billy was certain he was saying all the wrong things. He felt so depleted. "I'm sorry," he repeated, "for everything. For adding onto Neil's abuse, abandoning you, and countless other shit I can't think of right now. You don't have to forgive me; I know my apologies are always shit."

Max remained still. There was no indication that she might've been listening to him. What if she couldn't all along, and Billy was just speaking into thin air? Billy inhaled deeply and shook his head. "When you wake up, I hope you and I can start over...if you let me. I just–fuck, this never should have happened. You were supposed to be happy after I died, or left, whatever you wanna call it," tears now streamed down Billy's face, "Max I'm sorry, okay?"

If this were a movie, Max's eyes would've fluttered open and she would've smiled at Billy. None of that happened. Max was as motionless and quiet as the first time he saw her on the hospital bed. Billy didn't know how much longer he had stayed standing next to Max. Maybe well over half an hour until he remembered Diana was waiting outside. When Billy opened the door, he found Diana splayed on the floor across from the room, knees close to her chest. He must've been with Max for a while. Diana accepted the outstretched hand he offered to lift her up. As she took in Billy's features, she realized he'd been crying again. Diana stood so close to him, she could feel his breath fanning her face. Billy held her head in his hands. She could feel him shake as he held her. Needles pricked her heart. Billy's voice was somehow deeper after his bawling. "Do you want to talk to her?"

No, was what first came to mind. Instead, Diana nodded and gently removed Billy's hands from her. Diana shuffled past him and walked into Max's room before closing the door behind her. She didn't want to talk to Max–guilt and cowardice coursed through Diana, and she hated it. Diana inched closer to Max. As she took in Max's state, a somber laugh escaped Diana's lips; everything about Max was pale and dull, but never her red hair. Max's hair was the light of the room–it always was. "Hi Max," Diana started as tears blurred her vision, "I hope I don't take too much of your time. Billy probably already traumatized you with whatever he said."

Diana's poor attempt at a joke only made her feel worse. "Forget that," Diana frowned, "if you weren't mad at me before I can only imagine the rage you feel now. I'm sorry for not telling you. I tried a few times since I've been here, but I could never do it...I was scared to. And I don't know if you'll ever understand my reasoning, but I did it to protect you and Billy.