Lost

Funeral

   I don't even know what to do anymore, none of this seems real. It doesn't feel like she's gone, it all seems like a bad dream, but this is also coming from her best friend who found her dead on the ground a week ago. Who wouldn't feel like this? I mean, if you found someone you knew for your entire life on the ground, knife in her lifeless hand, covered, and surrounded by a pool of her blood, I'm sure you would feel the same. I'm traumatized by that sight, but I tried too hard to help her before it was too late. I just feel...lost. She was my everything, I don't know what to do without her, I talked to her every day, about everything. We were supposed to graduate together this year, yet she's gone. I don't know why she did it, I wanna know why she did it, but I couldn't bare to look at the letter she left me before she killed herself. It hurts too much.

   I stood and walked to the podium to give a speech I prepared for everyone at the funeral. I pulled out a crumpled piece of paper and let out a shaky exhale before speaking, "You were my best friend, my partner in crime, my go-to whenever I needed a shoulder to lean on or just needed someone to vent to if I was having a rough time. You helped me through so much during my life, during the good and bad, knowing whenever I needed anything and just being the light of my life. I don't know what I'm gonna do without you, I really don't. I already feel so lost without you, but at least I know that you're no longer in pain. I'm gonna miss the hell out of you but I'll never forget you. I promise I won't, thank you for making those years the happiest years of my life." I shove it back into my pocket as I walked back to my seat, holding back so many tears and feeling so much pain.

   I stayed after everyone left the cemetery. I sat in front of her grave, just staring at the ground as tears rolled down my face. I didn't want to move, didn't want to leave, I just wanted my best friend back but I knew that was never gonna happen. I truly did feel lost without her, I didn't know how to live life without her. I've known her since we were babies and I never did anything without her, we always did things together but now that she's gone, I feel like I lost a huge part of myself.