why ever since I was born,
I've been praised.
Everyone around me said
"shes so talented!"
"how is she so smart?"
"you're the perfect child"
I didn't deserve any of that praise, all I did was be a kid who did what she liked, but everyone around me was working so fucking hard.
all I did was just ay some chords on a piano and sing some words out of my mouth, while everyone else studied every way around the piano, they stretched out their voices to learn how to sing like I did.
why do I deserve it? I didn't work for it, when I was complimented for my work and always look around me to see someone stare at me because they worked ten times harder, why do I deserve the attention?
when I was in high school everyone around me thought I was so smart for studying a whole year worth of studying in one night and pass with a good grade, the adults were so happy but the kids wanted me to disappear.
I want to be independent, but all I did was lay around waiting for someone to give me encouragement. I didn't do anything alone. if I was alone, I'd give up and die because I was too lazy to make myself food.
I don't deserve anything, I'm just waiting for 2025 to come by so I can end all this.
fuck this world, everyone here is selfish, people used to be kind and smile at me back when I just looked at them by mistake.
being an adult is so scary, you have to fall in love, but love is so disgusting to me, I feel like throwing up whenever someone likes me, and whenever I like them, it just brings me guilt, sadness. and I'm just furious.
I wish I could be like everyone, be with a man, work all day come back to your kids, and then slowly watch them grow up.
but, now that i think about it. isn't it a sad reality? is every outcome in life just repeating the same tasks everyday until you die?
but why are people looking forward it so much?
why not just do whatever the hell you want till you die?
I want to buy a motorcycle and live in a small apartment and adopt as many cats as I could, fill my apartment with plants, I want to own a little cafe where I see humans live their life, go on dates, studying, just enjoying their free time. all while I serve them.
but maybe in another life.
2022
I hope it all ends in 2025.
