...
The lights look calming.. all the cars going under the bridge seems so peaceful.
But yet here I am staring down at these cars on the bridge struggling to continue living this life I call mine.
It started off hard . Super hard but then it got easier but that was all a lie. That little hope took me too far now it's all crashing down on me.
I sit here thinking if I should just do it. Get it over with you know. Nothing is stopping me though I can. I see it. It's right there. I can feel it already. The feeling of nothing. That's what I want. To feel nothing. I'm scared if go for it I'll survive. I don't want to. I don't want to at all.
I know I'm selfish for not thinking of others. But others don't think about me so why should I?
I do feel guilty though leaving my best friend behind in this cruel world. My only friend, the only person I depend on, the only one who truly loves me and sees me for who I am.
But yet I've treated her so badly in my past time. Not on purpose never on purpose. There's just things wrong with me. Unexplainable things that I can't even explain. She doesn't deserve this. I know that. But she'll be better off...
Today wasn't supposed to go like this. These past days have been rough. I don't want to go home. They don't care. All they do is blame blame blame. Never cared never will until I'm gone. But I really couldn't care less, this isn't about them, it isn't about anyone.
I really thought it was the day today where I would finally do what I could never fully do. But I still find myself walking home on this dark night. Nothing is peaceful anymore. Nothing is calming. Everything is going fast. Everything is hectic, everything is destroyed.
I walk with no cuts on my body no self inflicted damages. My lip is a bit fucked up but that's it.
I just want to sink my nails into my skin and rip off this fake body i am in. Not to show the real me but to just leave. That's all I want is to leave. Please just let me leave. And now I've reached the place I call home or called home.
