Faultlessly Captivated [Completed]

Chapter 17

I woke up with an aching body. I still want to doze off but I want to see the culprit who made my body in pain.

Tiningnan ko kung may katabi ba ako sa kama pero wala. I was expecting that his face will welcome my view from the moment I will open my eyes. Huminga ako ng malalim. Nasa labas lang siya nagluluto, hindi niya ako iiwan kasi mahal niya ako.

Bumangon ako kahit masakit ang aking katawan lalo na ang nasa gitna ng aking mga hita. I force myself to stand up but I earn a groan when I move, my gem stings so much.

Nang makatayo na ako, pinigilan ko ang sariling maiyak sa sakit. Ganito pala 'to kasakit, iba kasi ang mga nababasa ko sa mga libro.

Dahan-dahang akong lumabas sa aking kwarto para hindi mabigla ang aking katawan. And, when I opened the door, silence welcome me. I inhaled. He's just in the kitchen, I cheered myself up.

Like in the books that I have read, he will cook for me for my breakfast. Like in the movies, he was preparing our foods that we will share while we are cuddling. Just like in the books and movies, he'll kiss me and tell me how much he loves me, how much I meant for him.

But my tears instantly collapse in my cheeks. Tumakas ang mga hikbi sa aking bibig. No one's in the kitchen.

Dahan-dahan akong napaupo sa sahig and I let out all the emotions that I've been holding for a week. Bakit naman gan'to? Panandaliang kasayahan lang pala ang lahat?

Iniyak ko lahat, ang pag-asang pinanghahawakan, ang sakit na nararamdaman , at ang pagkabigo.

He left me like nothing happened, that I didn't matter. Niyakap ko ang sarili habang pinupokpok ko ang dibdib dahil sa sobrang sakit na nararamdaman. I'm hoping that it will ease the pain. I'm hurting physically but the emotional pain that he created sent big damage to my heart. He said he loved me! But where is he?!

“Ahhhhh!” I cried out. Ang sakit ng puso ko. Bakit gan'to? Kahit na sinaktan niya ako, kahit sobrang sakit ng pag-iwan niya ay mahal ko pa rin siya.

Pinahid ko ang mga luha pero wala pa rin itong saysay dahil napapalitan din ito ng panibago. Every minute, my heart cracked and broke into pieces. Mahal niya ako pero bakit ganito. Ang sakit niya namang magmahal, ang sakit niyang mahalin!

I hugged my knees as my apartment was filled with shouts and cries. Why did we end up like this? Nagkulang ba ako? Saan ako nagkulang. Binigay ko naman ang lahat ng kaya kong ibigay. I thought he is the right one.

Akala ko siya na kaya hindi ako nagdadalawang isip na ibigay sa kaniya ang lahat ng kaya kong ibigay. Minsan lang naman ako magmahal pero bakit nauuwi sa sakit. I whimpered thinking that we end up like this because I'm not enough. 

My family is right all along. It's funny that you'll realize it when it's too late. They are right that I'm weak. Look at me now, crying in pain, completely fucked up because of love.

Nagmahal lang naman ako pero bakit ako nasasaktan ngayon?

Minahal ko siya na kahit ang pagmamahal na dapat sa sarili ay naibigay ko rin. I never thought that love hurt this much, I was dreaming that love will be sweet and happy. Pero ngayon, I'm confused what is the real meaning of love. 

AFTER I broke down, pinilit ko ang sarili na tumayo. Kakayanin ko naman siguro na wala siya. A tear escaped from my face... Kaya ko nga ba?

Pumunta ako sa aking kwarto at humiga. I need to rest, I'm so tired, physically and emotionally. Praying that when I wake up, everything is already fine. Because of tiredness, I am in my slumber easily.

I woke up feeling much better. My body is still aching but it doesn't hurt like earlier. I stand up and head to the kitchen to feed myself. Walang mag-aalaga sa sarili ko kung hindi ako lang. Wala akong malapitan, kasalanan ko rin naman.

My eyes started to water but I shrugged the thought off. For the last time, I will talk and listen to him. I will risk my damaged heart, hoping that he'll fix it. If he won't, I don't know what will happen to me.  I give him all my heart that I was left with nothing, even an inch.

After forcing myself to eat, pumasok na ako sa kwarto at nagpahinga ulit. Kailangan ko 'to bukas.

Papahingahin ko ang puso dahil muli ko itong itataya bukas. There's a big chance that I'll lose but even if there's only one percent of the possibility of winning, I will still take it because he is worth the risk.