Asphyxiate

.1

Those were the last three words I remember perfectly. The next events went by in a blur. You tell me that you've been wanting to leave for a while, without even explaining why. You told me you couldn't bring yourself to do it right away since I was so excited to move into the new apartment with you, so you waited until you've helped me move my last box into the place.

Should I feel gratitude for you waiting to help me move so I didn't have to carry all those boxes by myself?

I was half listening to what you said by then, all my energy left me the second those 3 words left your mouth. The next thing I know is, you're out the door and it's been 2 months since you've left. Quentin says you're not coming back.

Dear Morgan,

It's 3 in the morning right now, and I fell into my usual routine, repeating these events in my head.

Letting all these thoughts consume me, taking away all the sleep I was supposed to have.

I haven't heard a peep from you. I tried calling you, but you left your phone, on purpose I suppose.

I tried asking your mom & dad, they say you never told them you were leaving. They're genuinely sorry for me too.

Apparently, the whole breaking up thing was planned but the leaving thing was a spur of the moment decision.

No one knows where you are. You just dropped off the face of the Earth.

Leaving me to think, "Was I that repulsive of a girlfriend that my boyfriend just decides to disappear on me?"

I minimize the window and head to the kitchen to get myself a glass of milk and my bottle of sleeping pills. These things are my new constant now since you left.

I pop 3 pills into my mouth and down the whole glass of milk. I head back to my room and wait for artificial sleepiness to take me.

Aside from being tired every single day of my life, I haven't been feeling much lately. Quentin says I should see a shrink. "Maybe my brother's right, I'll go tell him tomorrow."

I open up my laptop again and click the minimized window. I continue to type away, this has been the only thing keeping me sane lately. Even though you don't reply to any of my emails, I know you read them.

My family and our friends are really worried about me Morgan.

Mom says I should come home, I tell her 'no' of course.

Because even though, this was supposed to be our place, the one we've saved up since we graduated college, I don't want to go back to the town where we fell in love. That place is haunted without you.

At least New York is an environment you haven't plagued yet. But you did ruin the whole new experience for me though. Thanks for that by the way.

I didn't let you ruin my new job at the firm though. I'm doing great, not making an effort at making new friends as I originally planned before you left though.

I casually just say Hi to everyone, but then I proceed to bury myself in work so I don't have time to think about you.

Because of my hard work, I quickly earned a really good promotion.

Work's the only thing looking up for me.

Oh. By the way, just in case I forgot to mention in my past 50 emails to you, Quentin took your place here.

Yeah... He thought it'd be best if I had company, although I prefer to retreat to myself nowadays.

He unpacked the rest of my stuff too, since I didn't feel like moving for a couple of days after you left. Haha.

He didn't unpack any valuables though. He doesn't want me to constantly remember you through our stuff, he only took out the appliances, a few decors and my clothes.

But Quentin doesn't know your fingerprints are laced everywhere. Every single one of my stuff.

I let him be though. It was nice of him.

I miss Betsy (Morgan's mustang). I walk everywhere I go now since you're not here to take me anywhere. I've lost a lot of weight because of that. It's healthy walking though.

I don't know why you left me. I didn't know I didn't even deserve an explanation from you.

I miss you.

Love,

Harper.

Send. I hope that's the lucky one you finally reply to.