At the Cliff

Night

We sit at the edge of the cliff, hands in hands, looking at the setting sun. We need not say anything, this is everything for us. Silence was what brought us together and it was all that we needed.

I take my hand away and say that this can't stay any longer. I'm sorry, but it's not possible for me. I dare not look at her but, when I do, I see the eyes that I saw when I first met her. Eyes shouting to have someone near, shouting to let someone, anyone in. That had hurt her many times. But, after meeting me, that look was gone. I remember seeing them daily a long time ago. But now, these eyes, they are strangers to me.

I can see her anger, her cheeks redden, maybe I even hear her teeth grit or it's just water crashing on the rocks below. She stands up and shouts. She shouts that I too betrayed her, that I was no different than all all the others who deceived her.

I'm not listening, just thinking. Yes, this is her gift. Not realizing, I say it out loud and she hears it even through her anger. She loves it when I compliment her. My eyes are distant and she asks, what is?

I'm ready to explain. I'm not holding back anymore. It has to end. She sits down, closer this time. I look at her and take a deep breath. I finally speak. I know we're the same. We have the same broken hearts, the same will to share what little warmth we have, to let others know us. But you...you have a gift. A gift that enables you to express. If you're ever feeling down, you find something to blame it on and you shout, you fight and at last you let it all out. At least, it's out. But me, I have a curse. A curse, I myself created. I created my personality that forbids me to show myself, to express the slightest worries. If I'm sad I can't blame it on anything, nor shout or tell anyone but myself. Even my cries are silent. This pretension is a curse and it is killing me. I would have left you long ago, I would have told you everything, if not for this curse. The fight I fought with myself to tell you this, was cruel. It took a lot away from me and yet a lot will be lost after this. I turn to look at her, in her eyes. They never lie and I always seem to know what they are saying. But now, I don't find her in them. They're hollow, like a doll's, taking something from me, absorbing everything around in that lifelessness. I can't say if she's angry or sad or worst of all, once again broken. Trust had taken her down once and yet again, she is its victim.

I go on. You remember that friend I left because we were not equal. Even though everyone thought nothing could part us, that we were inseparable. But we became friends when she was broken. I had been the one to fix her, when she'd cry, I'd hold her telling her to be strong, to not leave hope. It was all sympathetic, all pretending, In reality, whenever I'd be down, I couldn't tell her, I couldn't say that I am weak just like her or that I have lost all hope. I had made myself strong in front of her. It would shatter her if she found out that I too was weak. Every time I'd soothe her, it would take a piece of my heart with it. My already broken heart would shatter more and more until she found her own ground and left me. She too had used me like so many others. Have I lost my point, I ask her. She looks at me and at last, I see the eyes I can read and they said no. Not knowing, my heart smiled.

She is gone, never to return. I am alone again. I feel comfortable, relaxed, like a burden has been lifted. I feel evil. Even though she said she understands and she was the one to take it too far and that I have not hurt her in any way. I know...I know what I have broken in her...everything to be precise. Oddly, this is what calms me. Darkness, loneliness is what I live in. Living a life shattering people. With my personality, they always fall prey and I live on. Broken, shattered myself. In this dark night, with no moon to shine neither any stars to help, I feel at peace. The water crashing rocks, me crashing souls. This truly is peace for me. I break into a laughter. This is my world.