Maybe Once and Never Again

Chapter 1.

"This isn't a good idea." Jungkook says as he moves to sit slightly away from his best friend.

"Yeah, maybe not." Says Taehyung as he sits up fully from his former slouched slightly upright position, rigged now as his body tenses at the heaviness of the air. Air that used to be thick but not with stiffness but with lust.

"Well.. i mean.. do you.. not think it's a good idea?" The younger of the two by a couple months asks, his voice getting tighter. His eyes are big and round and staring at his best friend with uncertainty of both his feelings and his thoughts.

Nothing makes sense when you're questioning your sexuality.

Taehyung's molars have a gratifyingly tight grip on the silk feeling inside of his cheek, definitely leaving a mark as they do. His brown eyes dart to his pants and travel to look at Jungkook and his delicate hand resting on the tan duvet cover. He doesn't know how to respond so he's silent for what seems like ages to the both of them, just in different ways.

Nothing makes sense when you're questioning your sexuality.

"I.. I mean.." Taehyung let's out but he doesn't even know what words he wants to put at the end of the first two. He's never been the person to be at a loss for words.. but somehow, when it comes to Jeon Jungkook, he always is.

Taehyung wants to keep doing what they were doing, especially because of how it made him feel in the moment.. but now, he feels really bad. So he's not sure they should. He was never good at deciding what is the best thing to pick in situations that are based on feeling, mostly because he's not too good with feelings. So Jungkook leaving it up to him in this way is nonsensical. Though— Taehyung does understand why. If he had the chance before Jungkook asked, he would've done the same thing. Leave it up to the other person because you don't know what to do.. but what if they don't either? Exactly.

"You mean?" Asks Jungkook because the silence was getting too deafening.

"I- I don't mind either way." The words are somewhat truthful, but at the same time, as said before, Taehyung wants to keep going. He's just not sure if it's a good idea.

"You don't?" The younger asks and his words seem off. Shit.

"I mean— i want to do what you want to do." Taehyung goes with that because it seems like the best answer in the moment. Even though there's a million other things he could've said that would've been better. He's not great with words either; but that really has a lot to do with emotions so, it all ties up, doesn't it?

Jungkook is silent then, which makes Taehyung's stomach twist more than it already was. God the air is suffocating now and Taehyung wishes he was being suffocated with Jungkook's kiss instead. It takes a long time for Jungkook to respond, and when he does, he just says, "Okay. Can we just.. cuddle?"

Cuddle? — Taehyung thinks.

"O-Okay." The older nods, stomach twisting still, a little more now as he feels something he remembers and labels as: Rejection. Ouch.

Jungkook moves into Taehyung's embrace again and they both slightly lay down, Jungkook more than Taehyung. The latter holds the former softly and silence consumes them again, the older's cheek pressed against the younger's soft coconut smelling hair.

'How did they even get here?' You might ask, just like Taehyung wonders in that moment. So, well, let's think back, shall we?

To Be Continued...