Second Life? Nah, Die Is Good Too.

Chapter 3: Am I Dead??

Enjoy this chapter and thank you for always supporting me.

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My family's relief expression abruptly turns grim.

They probably couldn't accept the fact that my memory might not come back to me.

It's a shame for me to admit it, but I'm glad that the doctor says so.

'it means they won't have to hold onto a false hope.'

Whether I remember it or not, it's wise to just move forward.

Although it's easy for me to thought so, for they would otherwise.

"w-what do you mean by that, doctor?"

"the trauma probably will block his memories forever. I'm afraid, the baroness's family won't be able to perform the trigger to help him remember, isn't so?"

With the knives like questions that the doctor sends to my family, none of them were able to retort back.

In honesty, just remembering the situation that caused this to happen to me probably hurt them a lot, not just me.

Their facial alone shows me, their dislikeness in remembering it. And I understand them quite well.

'because what happen to this boy wasn't accidentally.'

It was his choice.

'This boy....was trying to kill himself...'

On one of the days during winter. The boy who usually lives a nonchalant life suddenly jumps from the tower into a cold icy lake and never wakes up for months.

Without warning, without any trigger, he did so, and the house thus turn chaos.

His family didn't understand nor did the others around them. 

At first, they may think that it was an accident, however, after some time investigating, they probably find out. That it wasn't like that at all.

And his family that knows this fact, since then, wonder and become afraid. Just in case i wake up and remember it, and suddenly I decide to kill myself again.

'from their expression alone... all the puzzle's pieces come out.'

Just the thought of losing me again terror them so much. That's why they would rather i won't remember but at the same time, they want me to.

This contracting thought may come from their desire for me to remember them but didn't want me to remember those painful moments.

'but sorry for them...i remember it all so well that sometimes... I'm afraid of it.'

Afraid that my thoughts would be influenced by this boy's suicidal thoughts from before.

But, i am brave for it. Cause,

'i'm not that guy.'

I'm not Alexander Von Hellan, their son or brother, I'm just me, Adam Ryan.

'So Alex... i will live your life...but in my way now... so rest in peace.'

Thought me, ending my reveries.

The doctor says,

"so for now... we can wait for ourselves for the young master to remember or young master family's member could try to help him by bringing him to the place that he use to go."

"...we..understand, doctor"

Answer my mother gloomily as my father supports her back.

 I watch them curiously.

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After the doctor left, both my parent and brother also left after sending me their love and good well.

They told me to often goes out instead of staying in the room, but of course, they won't force me to do so. They just didn't want me to feel suffocated and so, I told them that I will do my best to do so.

haa*

But now that I was left alone,

'i don't feel like going out.'

So here I am, laying on the bed. Not knowing what to do. Even if I go out, I won't know where to go.

haa*

So all I can do is sighed as I feel boring.

my eyes look up at the bed frame above. I watch it without blinking before turning my eyes towards the door.

There, I saw a head pop up.

'small...head?'

yeah. A really tiny head, but I only could see that small head's hair. I don't see the face of the owner of the head.

So I say.

"Perhaps...Kyle?"

hearing me say so, that tiny head then flinch unconsciously before hiding.

From that, I was sure, that that head indeed belonged to Kyle.

'my little brother.'

Alex had three siblings including himself. An older brother Mateo, me the second, and the last was Kyle.

That boy was born 12 years apart from me, he's 6 years old while I'm 18, and my older brother 20.

'but...we...are not close...'

is it because of their age gap?

well, not exactly.

In honesty, it's probably because of Alex, the body owner.

'he ignores the boy.'

After all, he had lived for 12 years without a younger sibling, but that boy suddenly appears. What do you think he will feel?

'of course, he becomes full of jealousy towards him.'

because the moment that child was born, his parents' love, turns towards the child.

And he hates him for that.

Alex knows it's not kyle's fault, yet, even when he knows that he couldn't help but feel that way. Because he grew up full of love from his parents before the boy come into the picture.

So as some form of revenge for stealing what is his, for his whole life, he ignores him.

'he didn't bully him or anything, he just... didn't talk to him at all.'

he treats the boy like he never exists.

But ironically, the boy didn't give up on pursuing his love.

He keeps on chasing after his second brother every single day. Trying to catch his attention.

yet, nothing gains in return. Instead, one day, his second brother who had enough with him, finally explodes and shows him his anger, causing the boy to cry and fear his older brother. 

And of course, this all happens just before Alex's suicide.

'so... perhaps... the reason why this boy who's hated by his older brother, finds the courage to come here, might be because...'

"did you think this is all your fault, Kyle?"

The boy didn't pop up from the door as I ask so. Yet, I was sure that this boy come here because of that. 

'He might feel guilty for the thing that happens to me.'

but the boy thought was wrong. this is not his fault.

And so, i find the courage to tell him just that. Although i didn't know whether he was still there or not,

"It's really not your fault...so stop feeling guilty"

Was what i said.

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To be contineud.