but atleast he'd be beside her

atleast he'd be beside her

the flight back felt numb, natasha barely registered the ship landing, even less so her feet moving slowly through the deserted compound. it wasn't till she reached her rooms did she notice bruce softly guide her to his room.
"i dont want you to be alone" he muttered. things had slowly gotten less awkward between them in the past couple weeks, which now felt so long ago. her coping mechanism being to fixate on bringing the others back, and he had obliged to help. this task she'd found, grounded herself, gave her purpose. find thanos, bring back the stones, and everyone else along with it. so simple.

only now thanos was dead, the stones gone, and everyone else, along with it. such a simple fact she couldn't bare. but atleast with bruce here, she wouldn't have to go through the night alone. they didn't talk as they took off their suits, natasha placing her weaponry on the bedside table, and put on pyjamas, for her that meant one of his old shirts, from before. but no, before was something too painful to think about right now.

bruce left his room briefly, natasha left standing by the side of his bed for what felt like forever, yet no time at all. when he returned his hands were clasping two hot mugs of tea, mint maybe? natasha didn't have the energy to care. placing these mugs on his beside table, he led her to the left side of his bed and helped her lie down. the bed dipped as she felt him climb in beside her. she reached out and took a shaky sip of her tea, the hot liquid burning her throat, but that hardly mattered to her right now.

they lay like this, in an empty silence for a while. eventually bruce must've turned off the lights as the world went dark. she turned on her side, curling into a ball with one of her hands clasped around one of the blades on the table, as if something like that could ward off the horrors she knew would plague her rest.

...

the world a haze with black tinted corners, natasha stumbled over tree roots. screaming herself hoarse. "YELENA," she choked "SAM, WANDA", tearing through the darkness she tripped. "please, don't leave me" she half sobbed on the forest floor, screaming again as her hand fell through a pile of dust. before her eyes, the dust rose up surrounding her, becoming denser and denser, she began to choke. everything went black.

and then she was at clint's farm, lila -who had gotten so much bigger now- clung to her hand, like she always did, as natasha tried to slow her breaths. on one side, nathaniel and cooper bickered behind their mums back who was setting the table. head turning, to see clint was in the kitchen making his well coveted pancakes. the sunlight streamed through the window over her dream, though quickly deteriorating into a nightmare. as dust began to fill her hand, the room darkened as she glanced down as lila crumbled to pieces before her. screams rang through her ears as the rest of the barton family swirled before her in grey ash. her view shaking, everything returned to black.

this continued, over and over, again and again, natasha witnessed her loved ones deteriorate.

...

she awoke with a sharp breath, her mouth filling with bile she tore to the bathroom across the room, barely making it in time before she heaved her guts out. drenched in sweat and shaking violently she clasped the toilet seat. willing herself not to throw up, biting back flashbacks.
she hardly noticed behind her, bruce approached, one hand soothing over her back. a guesture as if asking for permission, she granted him it. falling back against the wall, his arms encircled her. finally letting out the strangled sob, her wall of emotions broke.
"let it out, it's okay to hurt, nat," he breathed tenderly into her hair as she clung to him.

when she could cry no more tears, bruce slowly talked her through slowing her breathing, helped wipe her mouth with a warm cloth and then brought her a glass of water, which she complied to take small sips from. he then lifted her into his arms and walked her back to his bed, laying her down as gently as possible, before climbing in next to her and pulling her close. she eventually slept again, though her sleep was restless. and every time she awoke, shaken and grieving, he held her through it.

the nightmares would probably never leave her. but atleast with bruce beside her, she never had to wake up alone. they shared their suffering and every night she fell into his arms, eventually his lips too. she didn't know what she'd do next, help people she assumed, what else could she do. whether that meant helping bring back the lost, or caring for those left behind, she guessed she'd have to find out. but atleast he'd be beside her.