Remember the Alphabet

Chapter one: Tickets

I only had a few second's warning.
Just as everyone is when they're being secretive, I was super paranoid, my body hunched over the papers in my lap to shield them from view in case somebody walked in. I looked up constantly, thinking I'd seen the door opening, nearly getting a heart attack every time.
I heard a small noise and my head snapped up, just in time to see the doorknob turn.
My body was seized by a spasm of panic and I shoved the papers under my pillow, sat up in bed and attempted to look nonchalant. The door was creaking open-Dad had never gotten around to fixing that squeak. Light from the hallway poured into the room, and around the silhouette of Zach Brinker.
"Oh," I said, feeling my cheeks color. I leaned back in bed and casually shoved the papers deeper under my pillow, hoping Zach wouldn't notice. He didn't, of course. Boys are oblivious. "I thought you were my parents, making sure I'm asleep," I told him, partly relieved, partly still on edge. If he sees what I'm doing...
"Well, I'm not your Dad," Zach said, scratching his bronze-haired head. "I just wanted to, um,"
He blushed and looked around the dark room. Another electric jolt of panic rocked my body. Please don't let them find out. I'm not ready for them to know yet.
Zach leaned against the door frame. "Where's your sister? I need to talk to her."
"Downsta- wait, are you giving her the breakup talk? 'Cause if you are I'm gonna break up your nose."
Zach laughed. "No way am I breaking up with Alphie."
I smiled at him, but I think it was more of a facial spasm, I was so nervous. "Yeah, well. Alphie's downstairs, in the kitchen I think," I said. Hopefully that would make him go away.
"Cool. Thanks, B." And to my intense relief, he turned and left the room, shutting the door behind him.
A long, noisy breath escaped from my mouth and I sagged back into bed, glancing at my alarm clock. It was just after three in the morning. I yawned widely. Maybe I'd go to sleep and keep working on the papers in the morning...
...
"What the hell is this?"
The loud voice pulls me out of a dreamless daze. My head feels foggy with sleep, and my mouth tastes stale.
"What the hell is what?" I mutter, still not fully awake.
"You know what I'm talking about."
I blink a couple times and look up. Alphie is standing over my bed, The ticket and papers clenched in the fingers of her right hand. I could just barely see her in the light of the moon.
My heart sunk through my body like an anchor sinking through quicksand. I was so worried about my parents finding out, or Zach finding out and telling my parents, that I had forgotten about my sister. A rookie mistake.
"I don't know what those are," I said calmly. Well, attempted to say calmly. I probably sounded like I was freaking out, which I was.
"You're a terrible actress," Alphie said. "You... have a terrible face," I said in a brave but lame stab at lightening the mood. Alphie, of course, was not fooled. She folded her arms, arched an eyebrow, and dropped the bombshell.
"This is about Carter, isn't it?"
Carter.
"Carter?" I said as if the name was completely alien to me. "No, it's not about Carter."
Of course it was about Carter. Everything I did was about Carter.
Everything I thought was about Carter. Carter was my life, my poison, my oxygen. I felt as if Carter was a piece of my brain, a piece of me. Comforting, painful, my addiction, the one thing I could never resist. Carter hurt me, loved me, hated me, lived in me. No matter where I went, Carter was there. I could feel Carter's breath in my ear when I felt weak, sense Carter's laughter when no one else laughed at my jokes and I felt lonely, when things were worst I remembered how Carter and I used to fight and it seemed like the world was cracking open at our feet and nothing would ever be alright ever again. When times were good I remembered Carter's lips on mine.
"No, I'm over Carter," I said shortly to Alphie.
Alphie definitely didn't look convinced. She was too smart for that. She glared at me with that stupid accusing look I knew too well. She looked truly formidable, even with her sparkly pink eyeshadow and matching lipstick. "Really? You sure about that?" She dropped down on my bed and switched on the bedside lamp. I squinted as a beam of harsh white light flooded into the room. I closed my eyes and rubbed them, and a voice so soft and scared and vulnerable I didn't know it was Alphie's floated into my ears.
"You're not leaving, are you?"
I opened my eyes and inspected my sister's face. For just a moment it was naked and full of true emotion. She didn't want me to leave her, and she was terrified.
She had changed into pajamas and a ratty bathrobe, and I wondered briefly what Zach had talked to her about.
"I... I don't know, Alphie... " I started meekly.
I faltered. I'd already made up my mind and Alphie knew it. I had decided that there was no point in anything without Carter, and I needed to be near Carter again. I was going and Alphie had the ticket in her hand to prove it.
Alphie's other hand looked like it was reaching forward, trailing to grab hold of my arm, then her expression hardened, her hand was on her hip and she said, "well, you better not go. You try and I'll whoop your ass."
"Yeah. Yeah, Sure." Such a lie. My whole life was a lie. I was leaving in three days and I wasn't going to look back. Now, with Rooney as distant as a stranger and Carter gone, the only thing holding me back was Alphie. And she'd be gone in a couple of months anyway.
"Don't tell Mom and Dad," I begged my sister. "Please. They'll be so mad..."
"You won't need to tell them anyway if you don't go," Alphie pointed out, "And they won't have any reason to be mad."
I didn't answer her. outside the window by Alphie's bed (yup... we still have to share a room even though we're both eighteen.) a pale sliver of moon was sewn into the dark velvet sky. I gazed at it, remembering when Rooney and I used to go on moon-watching picnics when we were little.
Alphie followed the line of my vision and smiled sadly. "You miss Rooney, huh?"
I swear Alphie can read my mind sometimes.
I miss him more than you could know, I think, but out loud I just say "Yeah."
Alphie leans over and switches off my lamp. I go suddenly blind until my eyes adjust and I can see Alphie's outline climbing into bed and pulling the blanket up to her chin. There's the rustle of sheets as she turns over and makes herself comfortable, pillows and the blanket are moved around, then silence.
It's almost ten minutes later and I honestly think Alphie's asleep when her voice is thrown into the air from her bed.
"How can you still love Carter after what happened to me?"
I have no answer.
Looking over, I see my ticket on Alphie's dresser, waving gently in the breeze from the window.