Everlasting Autumn | SHORT STORY

Chapter 1 | Colorless World

Have you ever felt like you were inside a bubble, unable to get out? The air being squeezed out from your lungs little by little? That's the result of being forced to live according to society's standards so you can be accepted and be that perfect girl your parents ever wanted. Similar to a flawless porcelain doll that never got the chance to experience the sweet nectar that is known as freedom.

At first, I was a gullible and naive doll, not having a perception of what it's really like to live. All my life, I've lived by my parents' rules, obeying their orders every time, and following a strict routine: never straying on the way to school and coming back home right away. Unfortunately, I was never allowed to go out with friends (it's not that I have a friend to brag about) or visit one of those small bookstores I would see on the streets which intrigued me to step inside and discover the different worlds that were hidden there. Father and mother used to complain how those types of books were a waste of time, a distraction in the way of my perfect future, and that it would only fill my mind with useless thoughts and superfluous ideas. Those books were only for children who spent their days dreaming, with no knowledge of the real world, unlike me who was going to become one of the best future doctors in Edinburgh.

I reluctantly believed them. I had to. I couldn't let them down. I had to do anything to make them proud of me and praise me for my achievements. Any sort of tender gesture from my parents was like opening a giant gift on Christmas Eve which we didn't actually celebrate in our family. There was no time for futile dreams. Every second was essential to focus on my studies. My life was bounded to college and medicine classes. We didn't even own a television or a little puppy as a pet, however, this was my world where I was happy and fortunate. Or at least, that's what I convinced myself to believe...

Nevertheless, everything changed as I was introduced to the outside world, and I didn't have to lie to myself anymore. The mask cracked and the stage curtains were drawn for the whole world to witness the real me that I didn't even know that existed. My world was black and white until the moment I followed that mysterious sound in the park, coloring my world in the process.

At the age of twelve, on a cold day in November, I was coming back home from school, walking on foot through the cobbled streets. It seemed that the numerous shops and houses were going to swallow me whole along with the scornful stares that pierced my back, making it hard to breathe. I was familiar with those judgmental looks. Every time I went out wearing my college uniform, it was hard not to notice the glistening emblem with two dogs back-to-back with a crown on each head, stamped against my chest. The symbol from one of the most expensive colleges in the country. People would point and whisper, making me uncomfortable. However, that was the least of my problems. My mind kept drifting back to the grade sheet that was inside my backpack, making it heavier than it already was. Two B's: one for math and the other for science. I couldn't help but fear what my parents would do to me if they saw those grades. Having a B was inconceivable in our family. How could I let this happen?! How could I make such a mistake?! Everything had to be perfect!

I was scared. Scared to enter my own house and see the disappointed looks on their faces. I couldn't breathe and the noisy street with people bumping against me didn't help. Crouching down with my head against my thighs, I shut my eyes and covered my ears, muffling the sound while I counted to ten. My escape route. It was the only thing that soothed me down in my times of need. However, this time, it didn't. It only made it worse. Exasperated, I opened my eyes and that's when I saw a reddish-brown leaf dancing in the wind right in front of my eyes. Flying free. How I envied it! I tried to grasp it, but it just got further away as if it was mocking me. Determined to catch it, I ran after it, trying to get it several times and failing miserably, completely forgetting my curfew time.

When I finally caught it, struggling for breath, did I look around to know where the leaf had taken me. The Princes Street Garden. A marvelous sight at this time of the year since it was painted with an explosion of colors such as red, yellow, brown, and orange. I have never seen such a beautiful combination before, at least only through my bedroom window where I would watch children play by jumping into a pile of leaves, their laughter of pure joy hard to dismiss, and my mother coming in right away to close the windows and pull the curtains, scolding me for distracting myself with childish games instead of studying.

Even on that day, I can remember their laughter as I watched kids my age playing around the park. A part of me wanted to join them, but, first, I knew my parents wouldn't allow it, and second, I was terrible at communicating with people. That's why I didn't have any friends. My mother also used to say that friendships weren't to be trusted. That those so-called 'friends' could stab us in the back at any moment and I naively believed her. That's when it came to mind that I should have already been at home! I took my cell phone out of my jacket pocket and saw that I was 5 minutes late. My mother had already sent 10 messages asking where I was and to go back home immediately. Now I was sure that my parents were going to kill me. Curfew was sacred and not meant to be broken. Even so, calling her was out of the question right now. I feared of what could be waiting for me on the other end of the line. And then there was the grade sheet... I was in serious trouble. Just imagining the punishments that I would receive was too much to bear. Nonetheless, delaying it would only make it worse, so it has time to go. At least, I had the opportunity to witness in person such beauty. Looking down at the leaf in my hands, I showed it a downcast smile as I whispered a small goodbye:

"At least, you can be free..." And I let it go, returning it back to its own world.

Having nothing else to stop me, I gripped my backpack's straps, mentally bracing myself for what awaited me, and turn my back on that stunning colorful world, the leaves crunching beneath my feet, until a clear mellow sound reached my ears, halting my steps. It seemed to have come from a violin. Slowly, I decided to follow it, saying internally that it was going to be quick. I just wanted to see who was playing such a beautiful but also sorrowful melody. 'It will only last a second.' I repeated to myself. As I approached the center of the garden, the tune got louder, and I could discern a crowd around the Ross fountain. All eyes rested upon a young boy, probably older than me, playing a kit violin while dancing at the same time on the fountain basin. His tanned skin matched well with his hair dark as the night which ended up in little curls, hiding his eyes in the process. His moves were smooth, so free, that it made me a tad jealous of how carefree he looked with nothing to worry about. How he could do whatever he wanted. Why couldn't I be like him?

Another feeling I couldn't pinpoint started to emerge inside me. It was something I never felt before. 'Could this be... anger?' Lost in my thoughts, I didn't realize I was staring too intensely at him when deep blue eyes that remembered me of the ocean before a storm clashed against mine, considerably hidden behind his curly bangs. At that moment, my body didn't move as if I was under a spell of his as he continued to play, his eyes never abandoning mine. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe he is looking at someone else. However, I had to say that he was one of the most handsome guys I had ever seen. Not that I had the time to look at boys.

My mind turned blank, as the only thing I could think of was how I wanted to dive into that deep blue when, out of nowhere, a whistle was heard, and the magic was gone. A policeman was running towards us, or rather, towards the mysterious boy, pointing at him and shouting something I couldn't understand. The boy let out a smirk as he put his violin inside its case, hanging it behind his back, and then jumped to the ground as people scattered away from him. He used that to his advantage by disappearing through the crowd. He simply disappeared.