Knee Pads

acknowledgments

          The last time I finished a book, the only emotion I felt was sheer relief.

          With Tone Spirit, I was extremely burnt out when I finished writing the last chapter. It wasn't something I enjoyed writing anymore (and you honestly couldn't pay me to ever touch it again) and I just wanted to be done with it. It suffered from a lack of readership and a lack of engagement so big it left me wanting to never type another word again. I was very much ready to take a break, but I knew I couldn't leave the rest of the books hanging.

          Knee Pads in particular has always been a personal project above anything else. Even though it started off as a way to please the mighty algorithm in a time when everyone was writing a sports romance, I didn't want to write what everyone else was writing—and this isn't a dig at anyone who has written or is writing books about (American) football, ice hockey, or basketball. I just don't know anything about those sports, and they don't interest me enough to make me actually do some research (all I know about ice hockey is that they sometimes play All The Small Things at some matches and you know I love blink-182 with a burning passion).

          Roller derby is one of my favorite sports. I did play for a while before the pandemic and it was a lot of fun, very violent, and I'm very tiny, which wasn't an ideal combination. I miss it every day of my life—I even miss the bruising—but, with my current schedule (this makes me sound a lot busier than I actually am) and short-term plans, going back isn't an option at the moment. That allowed me to live vicariously through this book, my baby, my child, my bebe, etc.

          Wren's journey is absolutely nothing like mine. I went into roller derby having never stepped on a track in my life and I hadn't worn skates in years, so you can probably guess how my life as a fresh meat went. I never actually played any bouts because I was extremely busy with college, a volunteering experience, and mourning three pets at the time, so it was a casual thing for me that I played when I could. It's exhilarating and I highly recommend everyone to try it out sometime (I know it looks scary. It is). 

          Her personal life also is nothing like mine—my sister is, thankfully, very healthy—and I do try to not base my characters on me too much to avoid conflicts of interest and assumptions about my personal life, but there are certain dynamics that are similar to my family's. I've been in family therapy, for very different reasons, and I'm not a family therapist myself, so I had to pull from what I learned there and in college (remember that semester of systemic therapy I took? That professor was also my thesis advisor) to make things as accurate as possible. It's not something I particularly like, workwise, but it's been proven to work. Being a psychologist gives me an extra form of insight on how to build my characters and the relationships between them, and you know I'm always a sucker for showing off my background. I love it. I wrote an entire book about that.

          It was important to me that all of these characters felt real. I didn't want Corinne to be a stereotypical mean girl or Kat to be a sidekick that gets pushed aside whenever the narrative didn't require her to be there, and I wanted them to be their own people outside of their relationship with Wren and with the plot. They have their own lives, struggles, hobbies, and it's important that they're seen as human as possible. Though the book mostly focused on Wren, her relationships with these girls mattered, both to the narrative and to her own personal growth, and I'd like to believe all of them influenced each other instead of it being one-way.

          When I was in the final stages of writing this book, Jennette McCurdy's memoir came out. I was reading it on the side, not wanting it to influence what I was already writing for Corinne, but I'm aware some things overlap. Jennette is a real person and Corinne is not, so it would feel very iffy of me to draw from someone else's personal life to write a fictional character, but I assure you any coincidences were not done on purpose. Corinne has her own struggles and her own complicated relationship with her mother, but, like I said in chapter 31, no two struggles are identical.

          (If you decide to read the memoir—which I highly recommend you do—it's wise to look up the trigger warnings for it. Be careful!)

          Overall, this book was very, very fun to write. Even though I was kind of rushing it at the end, I wanted to take my time writing the important scenes, the most personal ones, and I hope I delivered exactly what you wanted from me. I write for myself, but I post these silly little books for you guys. You're the reason I do what I do and why I keep writing. This wouldn't be possible without your support, no matter how high the reads or the votes go, no matter how many followers come. This one is for you.

(bet you missed that banner I only used once)

          This book is dedicated to my beloved Ohlee whereagardenwas and will always remain that way. Ohlee, lover of women, fast lives, fast times, and pink. I love you. It's been the joy of a lifetime to be able to call you a friend.

          To the love of my life, my beautiful, talented, incredible wife Steph smidorii. Everything I do is for you. Every chaotic bisexual woman (Corinne!!!! Finn!!!! Sasha!!!!) is for you. This book would have never been finished if it hadn't been for you cheering for me and supporting me through thick and thin. I had the time of my life fighting sports romance tropes with you.

          Katie champagnekatie_ please tell me what it's like to grow up that beautiful and talented. I apologize for all the emotional damage I've caused you. You're my one and only.

          Clary ClarissaNorth you pretty much saved my life, so you've earned a spot in this little section. Thank you so much.