NINE TIME MACHINES: Do you want to undo your entire life on planet earth?

CHAPTER 84

I rush out the door and actually run to the park. Then I just sit in my usual spot staring at the open box for a while. When I finally bring myself to eat, there's no spoon. I tear one from the box and dig in. Everything looks great but tastes like Hazel's codfish and rice from weeks ago. I know it's not the food because the smell dominates even this open space. It's me. It's always been me. Mary Pethiel can strip the sun of its rays even on the brightest day. That's why Ebony stopped throwing parties after a while. The guests just kept dwindling with each passing year. No one ever likes me for long. Or is it that they do but once they get close enough my mask falls off to reveal an ugly face?

My mind drifts to Desiree's smooth copper face and body in that clingy red dress. I had comforted myself with the thought that she'd used filters. But that illusion can't stand in the face of this stark reality. How can anyone be so perfect? There's no way my picture deserves to sit next to hers in Pete's relationship album.

Lunch done now, I stand angrily and grab my things up, trying to dismiss her glow. But she seems to be everywhere. Now I smell her cream. It's a cross between Tessa's shampoo and the essence of her sweet perfection. Maybe that's why Pete held on to her hand so tight. I pelt the box into the bin hoping, that as it sinks to the bottom, she walks out of our lives forever. Then I squeeze my handbag and pretend Pete turns his back on whatever it is she thinks they have. I'm the one he wants. Not her. That's how I'll build the courage to enter Stocatta Embassy when I really want to rush home and risk not collecting my five hundred dollars tomorrow. I pull on the door hard. The hopefuls throw on their angry faces then pelt them off again when they see it's only me. But at least there are no red dresses in the room.