pink nights / sally face

being bad at hiding

sal and i planned on meeting at 7 pm, after our exams for the day, after dinner, giving us enough uninterrupted time to talk. only now, 7 pm was feeling a little more like 11 pm. the weather didn't help either, rain always makes me tired. luckily (or unluckily) the cold air bit at my face enough to wake me up as i stood in front of my dorm hall waiting for sal. i had to let him in since he didn't have a key card.

the wind picked up causing the rain to fall at an angle rendering the cover i was standing under useless. "oh c'mon sal ..." i yawned and held my arms tight to my body.

finally, i saw his blue hair pop out from a car across the parking lot. it was cute watching him run to me, i don't see him move fast very often.

"hey, sorry about the weather," his voice was bright and it was a nicer wake up call than the bitter wind.

"oh please, you can't control it. c'mon," i swiped my card and let us into the building. "i probably should've waited inside honestly."

he trailed behind me up the stairs, "i was wondering why you didn't. but you look cute with rosy cheeks, so it was good for something at least."

as we walked down the hall to my room, i spoke with a hushed voice since it was quiet hours in the dorm. that and i didn't want everyone to hear i had a boy in my room. "flirting with me in public? that's bold of you."

sal whispered back, "who's gonna hear?"

i closed my door behind him and pointed towards ash's room. "maybe your best friend who lives right next to me?"

even with his voice low i could still hear him smiling, "i mean, maybe it wouldn't be crazy if people knew."

i laughed nervously, i still wasn't sure if sal needed to know that i knew that both ash and larry knew about us. it sounded too stupid. "i'm sure we aren't as sneaky as we think."

"probably not. at least we're sneakier than we would be if people could see the way i look at you."

"oh shut up," i laughed, lightly shoving sal's shoulder. "what's got you so forward tonight?"

he sighed, "i really want you to come to the cabin. like, i can't just not see you for a month after a week of straight studying."

my shoulders felt heavy as i exhaled, "i want to come to the cabin too. i really do. like, why wouldn't i?" the weight only grew as i got closer to saying all the things i had avoided even just thinking about for the past 4 months. "it's not me though. it's my parents."

"i get the feeling they're strict. you've talked about it a little before." he hesitated, "but ... strict enough that they wouldn't be okay with you staying here for a little?"

"i know they're going to want me to come home as soon as exams are over."

i felt bad when sal hesitated to speak. i always hated when my vulnerability made other people feel uncomfortable. "but why?"

"because they're control freaks, that's why."

sal looked down at the floor and only nodded. after a while, he spoke softly, "i'm sorry, y/n."

i shrugged but i could feel a lump form in my throat. i didn't want to sal to know about this part of my life or even have to see me like this. but even with the desire to hide being as strong as it was, i couldn't keep the wall up when sal showed me this kindness. it was like key to the floodgates. it was so much easier to bottle up my emotions when i felt angry at the world. except, i couldn't be angry at sal. "i-it's okay." i tried my best not to cry, i really did. i felt stupid when the first tear fell and even stupider when sal noticed. "i'm sorry i'm always crying."

the position of my head on his shoulder and his hands stroking my hair was becoming too familiar. i couldn't lie though, it was the comfort i had needed for years. "it's okay to cry." he cleared his throat, "i just worry that maybe the reason you're crying isn't as okay."

i lifted my head and sniffled, "what do you mean?"

he shifted, moving his hand from my hair to hold mine. "well ... i'm just worried. it's, uh, not super normal to feel this level of apprehension towards going back home."

i wiped my eyes, avoiding sal's gaze. "yeah, maybe not."

"home isn't supposed to make you cry." he squeezed my hand, "does home make you cry a lot?"

i felt another lump form, "less now that i've been away but ... yeah, it does."

sal hopped up on my bed and patted the spot next to him. i hoisted myself up and plopped down. when the mattress sunk beneath me, it felt like my body was being pulled endlessly. i didn't know how to describe it but reality was losing tangibility and i was worried i would sink through the floor. it felt more than scary to talk about this. i felt so delusional i was almost worried that my parents would hear me from hundreds of miles away.

"you don't deserve to be hurt. and you never did."

"sal ..." i hiccuped, "you're trying to make me cry on purpose now."

he laughed, "god no, of course not. i just ... i don't want to assume anything but i just kind of have a bad feeling. like a gut feeling that maybe something isn't right." his glossy eyes peered at me through a furrowed brow.

i nodded slowly, "i, uh, can't bring myself to say it but you're right." i spoke softer now, just in case my parents really were listening. "that's why i left in the first place."

he blinked as his eyes searched around for an answer before finding mine. "well, you have people here who actually care about you. people who would never hurt you and would do anything for you. i mean, no offense but fuck your parents. who in their right mind purposely hurts someone they love?"

i shook my head, i wanted to say so many things but nothing could come out. i wished i could telepathically communicate with sal or project the inside of my head onto the wall instead of talking. i would've normally wanted to hide in a moment like this but it almost felt nice to been seen. "i wish i had met you sooner."