Five stages of grief (Eremin)

Chapter 1 Denial

Armin Pov

I laid in my bed, staring at the ceiling with boredom

I was tired. Nightmares have ruined sleep for me, nightmares about Eren's death and it being my fault. I mean it was when you think about it. If only I had been a little more aware than maybe I could've changed his mind. Make him realize that it was a bad idea. But where was I? Being useless and letting my guard down. Letting war push me around when I should've been there for Eren. But he's gone now, and it's my fault. 

My train of thought was cut short when I heard a gentle but Audible knock on my door. I quickly got off my bed and walked over to the door. I opened it revealing a sad yet happy mikasa. 

She had sad eyes yet she was smiling. I don't know how she does it.

 "Hey Armin how are you?"

 I gulped and put on the best smile I could, "good, how about you"

She frowned at me when she saw my smile, "Armin why are you faking your smile?"

 I kept smiling and said"w-what are you talking about?!" 

Mikasa winced at my loud voice. I hadn't realized I was yelling.

"Armin"

I looked at her my 'smile' faltering I felt tears in my eyes yet I didn't appear to have a reason for that. I sniffled and choked out, "y-yes?"

She frowned once more and rubbed her temples with frustration.

 "Armin you need help. Not just sitting around and not socializing for the rest of eternity, you need ACTUAL help."

 I knew what she meant but I didn't want to hear her talk about me paying lots of money so I can start going to some strange person who wants to listen to people's problems and then do nothing to help me after I leave my money and my dignity there. 

I sighed and said, "why would I need help, I'm perfectly fine Mikasa."

 I wasn't expecting it but her face contorted to anger as she screamed at me, "ARMIN YOU NEED TO STOP ACTING LIKE WHAT HAPPENED DIDN'T HAPPEN! YOU AND I BOTH KNOW THAT THIS ISN'T GOOD FOR YOUR HEALTH! I'M SAD TOO, EVERYONE IS! WHAT DO YOU THINK EREN WOULD THINK IF HE SAW HIS BEST FRIEND SITTING IN SORROW BECAUSE HE DIED!?"

Her face was red with anger and tears were welled up in her eyes. I watched as one slid down her cheek and onto her red scarf. 

I felt my eyes began to water as tears began to move out of my eyes and to the end of my chin where they dropped off onto my shirt. One became ten. Ten became thirty and then it all came pouring out like a waterfall.

 "HE'S NOT DEAD! HE'S STILL HERE! STOP SPITTING BULLSHIT! YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT HOW I FEEL MIKASA! STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO! YOUR NOT MY FUCKING MOM!"

 And with that I slammed the door in her face and ran to my bedroom slamming the door and locking it. I went over to the window and opened it.

I crawled out into the open and closed it before I ran into the forest to go to the one place that I could be at absolute peace. 

(Time skip brought to you by the monkey that throws rocks)

I ran all the way to the other side of shiganshina (I had decided to live in the forest by my old home where my grandfather had raised me)I stood in front of the one place I have always loved going to with Eren and Mikasa as a child. I

I slid down the tree and sat next to a small grave with the Words engraved on it:

 "Here lies Eren Jaeger. The one who gave up everything for those he loved." 

 I felt tears well up in my already red and puffy eyes. I let them fall as I placed a hand on the grave. 

 "I miss you so much Eren." 

I brought my legs to my chest and cried silently with my hand still on the grave. 

I knew under it was only a skull and no other bones but I still wanted to see if so bad for some reason. 

All I wanted was to hug him one more time and hear him say, "everything's alright Armin I'm here now." 

I was disgusted with myself. 

I'm a grown ass man and here I am crying over someone who wanted to kill all of humanity outside the walls. 

But that someone was important to me. More important to me than anyone else. More important than my friends.

More important than Mikasa.

I sniffled in surprise as I felt a cold chill settle over me and instantly fade away.

As if something walked or ran right past me. 

I just brushed it off as the wind and looked off into the now setting sun

But I was proven wrong as a strange yet comforting warmth set over me and it felt as if something was leaning against me.

I tried to ignore the feeling but I knew it wasn't just me when I felt arms wrap around my torso from behind and what felt like somebody's head resting on mine. I was about to freak out but surprisingly calmed down when I heard a strangely familiar voice, 

"Stop crying. I hate seeing you cry."

I felt something tickle my ear

I brought my hand to my ear to try and remove the thing that was tickling it but I felt hair. I gently held a strand and looked at it. 

It was a dark chocolate brown and it was quite soft to the touch. 

It felt familiar as well but when I attempted to pull it to analyze it more I felt a hand move from my torso and gently grab mine.

"Hey that hurts. "

At this point I was either dreaming or some random person just decided to hug me and I liked it because it felt right.

I eventually snapped out of my trance and whipped my head around to look behind me. 

It was only a second but I saw something I thought I would never see again.

Those beautiful ocean green eyes and that lovely smile that always made me turn red and immediately feel better when I was sad. 

But he vanished instantly with a sad look in his eyes and the warmth left me, as the familiar sad empty feeling I had once before returned quicker than I would have wanted

I reached out towards him but he was gone. He has been gone for 3 years now and yet I still haven't gotten over that. 

I shook my head before I leaned back against the tree next to Eren's grave. I found a flower growing out of the ground so I crawled over to it and picked it out before taking it back to his grave and placing it in front of it. I smiled slightly as I looked at the flower. It reminded me of him. Beautiful and soft to the touch of the petals but had small thorns on the stem. 

I hadn't even noticed how tired I really was considering I hadn't slept really at all in two days. 

I slowly began to drift off to sleep with the grave stone next to me. 

before I feel asleep I felt arms wrap around me once again before hearing "sleep well Armin." and with that I was out cold in a for once dreamless slumber.

I'm sorry I know I don't do that long of chapters but I ran out of ideas and I should be asleep rn cause my stepmom wants me to go to bed early 😬

But I hope you enjoyed this first chapter! Have a good rest of your day!

(Word count 1295)