Piece By Piece

Heartbeat Song

                                               10th May 2042
 

Dear Journal,

I am very confused to say the least. Why you may ask? Well, Nick and I officially had our first fight as a couple over something that made me so scared of committing to love. I feel like complete shit, especially after listening to our song, Heartbeat Song, by Kelly Clarkson, especially after he proposed to me a week ago. I haven't revisited this for a long time, but when I got home after dropping off my soon-to-be ex-husband's lunch, and I saw this tan skinned man packing away boxes in a moving truck, only to be thrown out of that damn house because Ben was having an affair with? Well, I felt like complete shit because I thought that I was..... nothing. Nothing because I didn't do much in life when I was married. I was just so.... lost and that was not fun, but something great happened along the way on my own journey to greatness in every sense of the word. Nicholas Nelson.

Nick was just.... is the best thing to ever happen to me. Sometimes I wonder where the hell did he come from because he's a different kind of fun from Ben. Life with Ben.... I always felt so numb, but Nick showed me that life can be so damn fun. There were moments where we would just go out on a whim to the movies and watched the new Batman movie, ate popcorn and just watched an amazing 3 hour movie. After the movie, we took a stroll around the park, and Nick pushed me when I sat on one of the swings. That was so much fun and I had never done something like that when I was married.
When I was am with Nick, I felt feel...safe and loved.

My all-time favorite date with Nick was when we went out to dinner and sang karaoke from one of my favorite movies in the last 10 years. Sure, we have good voices, but let's be honest here, who succeeds in karaoke? Anyway, we sang a song called True Love by P!nk, and danced along to the song, just to received a standing ovation, which thrilled me. After that, we went to his place and watched old episodes Yu-Gi-Oh!, and complained about Tea and those damn friendship speeches of hers. Four hours of classic Yu-Gi-Oh! just never got old, and as we were watching those classic episodes, we ended up talking about life and what we wanted out of it with each other.

During that discussion when he held me, I told him the most important things that I want out of life. The first thing I mentioned to Nick was that I wanted to be able to have kids and watch them grow up to be successful people. I wanted to have loving days and quiet nights with the one that I love. Another thing that was important to me was that I wanted to be able to run my own business because I always felt comfortable with the idea of cooking exquisite cuisines when I worked at Ollie's restaurant. Last but not least, I wanted to be in love with somebody who loves me just as much as I was in love with them. Not feigned love or anything like that, but true love. At the end of that discussion, I learned that Nick wanted to share his life with someone who love him for simply being him, someone who would respect his family, love for kids, travel the world and learn about the many different cultures and die old with someone that he loves.

You know what's funny? When Ben put me out of that house, that hurt me in ways that I never thought was possible. Then tonight, when I ignored Nick and expected him to understand my current situation, and he told me certain several things that I needed to hear before he left me in that bar tonight thought...... that pain was a lot worse than what Ben did to me, but I have to be honest with myself. The truth is that I deserved when Nick walked out on me. When Ben left me, I thought that I was going to die. It felt like the end of the damn world, but when Nick came along, life changed for the better.

Every time I'm not around Nick, it's like I can't breathe without him. Every single night I sleep, I see him in my dreams, and those are the best dreams that I have about him. The best part about being with Nick though? Whenever I close my eyes, I literally see his face everywhere. When I lick my lips, I swear that I can taste his smile. My heart beats faster whenever I see his beautiful face and name somewhere, but most of all, if I can't read his thoughts, then I feel empty.

All I know is that I need time for fix my shit in order for me to earn Nick back. I don't care how long it'll take or how I'll do it, but I will earn him back. It's strange how I feel like I can't breathe without him at all. He makes me feel alive and brand new person, which I am grateful for. He's the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I'll be damned if I let that go, no matter what I'm doing in life for Ben. Yes, Ben is an important part of my life, but he doesn't complete me anymore or make me feel like a person. Nick is that person. Nick is my everything, and I cannot wait to get him back. Love is so damn crazy, but what can we do?

Signed,

A perplexed Charlie.