The Ducks

The stroll that started it all.

Gustav couldn't help but admit how gorgeous the area around his home was this time of year. The hibernating animals just started awaking, and the temperature lured him outside for an afternoon stroll.

He walked for about ten minutes before stopping and sitting down at the bench next to the pond. He had a box of crackers with him that he brought from home, which tempted a stray duck to demurely walk over.

"Oh, hello, little one." Gustav said, almost chuckling at himself for the childish behavior. "I'm reckoning you want one of my crackers?"

His words were met with a quack.

"Oh, well. I guess one couldn't hurt."

He snickered, grabbing a cracker getting up and crouching down, offering the cracker to the duck by the tips of his fingers. He did this to avoid getting pecked.

The duck looked up at him, then down at the cracker.

"It's ok, buddy. It's for you." Gustav said, nodding his head slightly towards the cracker.

The duck quacked again, pecking him in the eye.

"OW! FUCK!" Gustav yelled, falling backwards in pain. The duck immediately went for the kill, pecking him again and again.

Gustav curled up, arms over his head, as more ducks joined in on the attack. They seemed to attack in fleets, one pecking him after the other. Soon, he gained the strength to jump up, booking it for home.

All he could hear were quacks as the ducks chased him. It didn't even bother him that he left the crackers back at the bench.

He finally got to his house, running up the steps to the door. He pounded as hard as he could, quickly looking back to witness the oncoming fleet of ducks.

"MARY! ROFT! OPEN UP! HELP ME!!" He called out, with the door yanking open. He practically fell upon Mary, who had opened the door.

"Gustav, dear, what's wrong?" Mary asked, her voice slick with concern.

"Those...those blasted ducks! I got attacked at the pond!"

Mary paused for a moment.

"...Gustav...please tell me your not entering senility-"

"Shut up, woman! Where is my gun?!" Gustav shoved his wife away, looking around.

"Oh, Gustav no! You can't!" Mary pleaded, standing in front of Gustav.

"And why not?!" He raised his hand to slap the 'insolent' woman away.

"The ducks are protected by the government! You'll get arrested!"

"And pay a small fine to get away with killing those fucking things!"

"Not just a fine anymore! It's up to 3 years in jail per Duck!"

Gustav paused, lowering his hand in disbelief.

"What???"

Mary sighed, rubbing her temples.

"The ducks around here are part of an endangered species, which are protected by law." Mary explained slowly.

Gustav grumbled, throwing open the door and shoving Mary outside.

"You like them so much, YOU deal with them!" Gustav said, slamming the door.

He snickered, walking a few steps away from the door.

'Two birds with one stone,' he thought to himself, 'teach that woman a lesson on manners, and those ducks leave me be.'

After a moment, he figured the 'lesson' would've sunk in, so he prepared to open the door.

"Let's see how well Mary can beg for forgiveness.." he told himself, opening the door.

To his shock, he saw Mary seated at the bottom of the steps, with the vicious ducks circling her. Instead of biting, they appeared to be nuzzling against her, with her petting them. Mary's laughter could be heard as the ducks quacked at and nuzzled her kindly.

"What the fuck?! What about.... what???" Gustav was flabbergasted, looking down at the sweet display.

"Oh, Gustav, you simply must come down and say hello! They are such darlings!" Mary called out behind her, scooping up one of the ducks and hugging it gently.

"They're vicious! They're evil!" He shouted, standing behind the door a bit in case they decided to attack.

"Are you sure?" She asked her husband, before looking down at the duck she was holding.
"Were you picking on my husband? Oh yes you were!" She cooed at it, before kissing it and setting it back down.

Gustav was fuming, slamming the door shut.

"Those insolent animals! That insolent woman! Who do they think they are!!" He shouted in anger, storming to his bedroom.

He needed a drink.