I love you most / Sanzu Haruchiyo x reader

Just Us

Y/N'S POV
My mouth gapes and eyes widen at Haru's sudden words. He remains seated very still while staring at the ground. His eyes somehow change, usually Haru's eye are like the calm ocean but right now there seems to be a storm in them.

"Haru what do you mean?"

"Y/n I can't stop them. For years I've been haunted by these dreams or maybe even visions..."

"What do you see in them?"

"I can vividly see myself killing everyone..."

My grip on the swings tighten and I bite my lip to hold back my shock, it makes me shiver to think how long he's been keeping these visions dormant.

"Haru, you would never do something like that. I know you wouldn't."

His head darts to face me.

"How can you be so sure! I mean I don't want to kill but they feel so real!"

I get up and crouch down in front of Haru while bringing my hand slowly up to his head. He stops my hand by grabbing my wrist.

"You don't have to suffer alone. For once please don't think about me. Just say everything, get it off your chest."

He lets go off my wrist and takes a deep breathe.

"Ever since that day years ago I started having these... violent thoughts. At first they were just things like beating people up or setting cars on fire, Baji level stuff. But as I kept them hidden they grew and grew and formed these urges to kill. Disgusted at those urges, I pushed them deeper down and they started appearing in my dreams, slowly getting worse by each passing day. In them I would kill faceless people, then maybe some random gang member, then a toman member and now I keep seeing Mucho, Baji, you, Senju and even Mikey dead in my arms." He confesses while resting his head in his hands.

The things Haru says are quite disturbing but I sit quietly and listen as I know this mild discomfort is nothing compared to what he's been going through these past few years.

He starts to tear up.

"I don't want to hurt people, I just want to be loved..."

I hug him and he tightly holds onto my embrace.

"I lied. Me, Takeomi and Senju haven't talked properly talked in years. It's to protect them, even Takeomi. I did the same thing to you as well. I thought that being in a gang could satisfy my violent urges just a little bit and they would leave me alone but they won't go."

"I'll help- no, I'll save you Haru. I swear on it."

I tighten my hold on him and he's now bawling his eyes. I've always been the one that needs comforting and Haru always comforted me but this time it's the other way around.

"Come with me." I say as we separate from each other. "Let's go somewhere far away from everyone. Just you and me."

"But I can't be tru-"

"I trust you. I trust you with my life."

Haru's eyes widen with visible shock but he gets up and follows me without a word.

First I contact my mom and tell her I'm having a sleepover at Haru's, any other boy and she would kill me but since we've known Haru for so long she doesn't mind. Then me and Haru head to his home and get some stuff. Just a blanket and a bedsheet packed in a bag which I carry. I also change my pad and bring some in case I need them.

Haru has a pink motorbike that we sit on, him at the front driving and me at the back clinging onto him tightly. It's already pitch black now and we drive through the empty streets of the city, the streetlights being the only thing illuminating the area. I can see Haru's hazy figure light up from each light we pass by, his pink hair flowing to his side from the chilly breeze. It's cold. I rest my head on his back and shiver as I breathe out and can see my own breath from the temperature difference. I can feel Haru's muscles slightly tense and his back straighten but he soon relaxes after a few seconds.

"You've should've dressed more warmly."

It's difficult to hear him from the sound of the motorbike but I was just about able to make out what he said.

"I didn't expect it to be this cold."

I cling onto Haru tighter.

"You're gonna suffocate me, do you not trust my driving skills?"

"This thing goes so fast, of course I'm a bit scared!"

"You're scared?"

I nod while still resting on his back.

"Then you can hold onto me like that I guess..." Haru shyly manages to spit out.

There were no words spoken after that. I admired the lights while lost in my head before we reached a hill where I wanted to take Haru.

Just as I had thought no one was here and we were relatively far from the city. We laid the bedsheet down and used objects like our shoes and my bag to keep it from flying off, then we laid down together. Both huddled in the blanket while staring at the moon and stars. Haru was hesitant to come closer to me but I immediately nuzzled my head into his chest and he wrapped his arms around me like a reflex.

"You sure are cold if you're coming this close to me."

"Yeah... cold, right." I half lie. It was cold but I did have some ulterior motive. "Is it better out here?"

"Yeah, being away from everyone does make me feel more relaxed."

This was just temporary of course, something Haru had struggled with for years wouldn't just magically disappear in one night.

"If you push your feelings deep away then they'll just get worse, especially on your own. Please tell me everything, if you see something again report it to me, okay? Promise me that."

I stick out my pinky finger to him and Haru looks down at me, still in his embrace, and slightly chuckles before locking his pinkie in mine.

"Okay. I promise. I think right now I want to get my mind off everything."

He shifts his gaze to the sky and admires the twinkling stars that illuminate our sky, though they're trillions of miles away, and the full moon. I do the same.

"The moon looks beautiful, doesn't it?"

"Sure does."

From being in Haru's warm embrace, my mind starts to drift and eyes almost shut with tiredness. Haru notices this and giggles.

"Tired already?~"

I hum in response. His face lightly tints pink before he leans in and kisses me on the forehead.

"Sleep well y/n."

If I was more awake I would've freaked out but my sleepiness caused me to drift almost immediately and I was soon caught in my dreams that would likely be forgotten the next day.