Your Forever Is All That I Need

Stay for tonight... if you want to

Hi, I'm Izzy... Izzy Lawson. Yes, Lawson like Jesse Lawson. Yes, like Jesse Lawson from Sleeping With Sirens. Yes, like Sleeping with Sirens the band fronted by the one and only Kellin Quinn...

So yeah... I'm Jesse lawson's little sister. I'm 16. I tour with the band as their merch girl and their photographer. The guys are my best friends in the whole world. And right now, we are on the best tour on earth... Warped Tour!

This summer is going to be amazing! I get to tour and travel the country with my best friends for an entire summer! And this summer I have promised myself that I'm going to tell Kellin how I feel... I just hope it doesn't ruin our friendship.

You see, me and Kellin have connected since the first day we met back in 2010 when Jesse had just joined the band. They came over our place to practice and that was the first time we met.

I was sitting on the stairs when the guys walked through the door. I was hidden from their view so I didn't embarrass Jesse, but I could see everything perfectly. I thought he was perfect enough when I saw him, but when Kellin started to sing his warmups I have to admit I let out a bit of a squeal at how beautiful his voice was! And that was when everyone noticed me...I knew i should have kept quiet!

Now it was Jesse's turn to embarrass me. He bounded up the stairs two at a time with an evil grin on his face. Now I love my brother and all, but sometimes he can be a bit of an asshole. He grabbed my hand and whispered "you have a thing for Kellin don't you??"

"pshhh...no...gosh...no way...why would you think that? Not at all!" I laughed nervously.

"you liar!" he replied, but thankfully he dropped the subject.

"I told you to stay in your room this afternoon and not to bother me. You didn't listen so now you're gunna get it you little twerp!"

Jesse laughed and gave me a playful noogie before dragging me down the stairs and introducing me to the guys.

"guys, this is my little sister Izzy. She was spying on us from the stairs." he smirked "and I think she may have a little kiddie crush on Kellin!" he told his bandmates.

"I WAS NOT SPYING!" I half screamed, angry at my brother for embarrassing me in front of Kellin like this. I ignored Jesse's last statement but I could already feel my face going hot from the blush that was forming on my cheeks.

Kellin just laughed adorably and said "Well since you weren't spying why don't you just sit on the couch and watch our practice today?"

I just nodded in reply because I couldn't form any words. I was simply mesmerized by the dark haired singer.

Since Jesse was new to the band and he didn't know any of their songs yet, the band decided to just play a few covers that afternoon... and they started off with one of my favorite songs of all time - Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls.

"And I'd give up forever to touch you,

'Cause I know that you feel me somehow,

You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be,

And I don't want to go home right now"

Kellin sang the lyrics as if he had written them himself. He put so much emotion - so much of himself - into the song that anyone hearing it for the first time would be shocked to learn it was just a cover used in band practice as a warm up. I, for one was absolutely floored at his performance.

I had been mouthing the words to the whole song and Kellin must have noticed because by the time he sang the chorus the first time he had pulled me out of my seat on the couch, where I was perfectly comfortable, and started to dance with me.

"And I don't want the world to see me,

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand,

When everything's made to be broken,

I just want you to know who I am"

We sang the chorus together as Jesse just rolled his eyes and continued playing, looking a bit ticked off that his little sister had ruined a perfectly good band practice.

When the song ended, Kellin and I laughed at our silly performance for no one in particular, and I returned, with a giant smile plastered to my face, to my seat on the couch to watch the rest of the band's practice. I didn't pay too much attention though... I just couldn't keep my mind off Kellin and our little duet.

"He can't like me!" I thought to myself. "I'm just a 14 year old girl and he's a 19 year old frontman for a band that is on the verge of breaking... it was just a silly song. It meant nothing to him. He just saw me singing and wanted to be a little goofy... don't over-evaluate this."

I spent the rest of practice like that. Spacing out on the couch with thoughts of the gorgeous frontman in my mind.

"Hey, Izzy!" The voice snapped me violently out of my daydream. I looked up from my perch on the couch to see Kellin smiling down at me. I smiled back and patted the cushion next to me, indicating for him to sit down.

"You sounded great on Iris! Have you ever thought of being a singer?" He asked as he took his seat on the couch.

"Good one" I laughed and rolled my eyes at his preposterous question.

"I'm serious! You're amazing!"

"Not as amazing as you!" I said. "You have one of the coolest voices I've ever heard... It's so interesting...It's beautiful."

As soon as those words had left my mouth I knew I wanted to take them back. There I go again, making things awkward. Now he's never going to want to talk to me again. I looked down and blushed, angry at myself for saying what I did. Kellin, once again, awoke me from my thoughts - this time by catapulting himself across the length of the couch and tackle hugging me. I was quite a bit surprised by this turn of events and let out a scream as he collided with me and we went tumbling off the couch and onto the floor. My yelp made the rest of the band, who were gathered in the kitchen, look in our direction.

Jesse walked over, red faced, and pulled me up asking why I had tackled Kellin.

"Dude it was me!" Kellin defended me. "I tackled her!"

"Umm.... dude why?" The rest of the band asked as one.

Kellin shuffled his feet and looked at the ground. "Umm... because she said my voice was cool and interesting and beautiful and most people call me a faggot and say I sound like a girl or like I got kicked in the balls or something... I don't know... I guess i just got excited that someone actually liked my voice for once"

The rest of the band just laughed and Jesse looked a little pissed but laughed along with his friends. I on the other hand, just stood there dazed and confused as to why Kellin was giving me so much attention.

"Get over yourself! He isn't interested in you! You're too young for him!" I tried to convince myself that all of this was just him being nice. "I can't have myself pining for a boy I have no chance with. I need to just let this be a friendship" I thought. 

And that was exactly what I did.

For the next two years I had stayed simply friends with the boy who is the love of my life. Every time he did anything to make me think we were anything more I had convinced myself that he didn't want me. Every time we held hands, he was just being friendly. Every time he called me at all hours just to say "Hi" was just because we were best friends. Every time he would randomly brush against me was just an accident. When he asked me to be the band's merch girl he just wanted someone he wouldn't have to pay. When he would call me up on stage to duet on "Iris" was just because he wanted to be silly.

And when he called it our song he just meant it as a joke... right?