Metal Storm

Mistress Of The Bleeding Sorrow

-December 17th, 1986-
     Ace whooped as he finished a drum solo and the song came to an end.
     Nearly two months had passed since our first real gig and since then we had played three more in small clubs and venues around town.
     And now here we were, about to start recording our very first demo.
     One of Svenn's cousins who worked in the music industry was here to help us record the demo which would be released on a small record label based in Stockholm.
      We had only five songs to get through.
      One cover of Motörhead's Ace Of Spades and four songs that were written were our own.
      All just silly, brainless headbangers that Eric and I had both written together with gory, blasphemous lyrics and an album cover consisting of a crude drawing of some demonic entity sitting on a throne of bones and clutching a spear impaling the head of what I assumed was Jesus Christ.
     Brutal fucking shit as Eric would have said.
     "On the count of 10, you will start playing your first song, got it?" Svenn's cousin Morgan said with a firm tone as he adjusted some buttons on the recording set, "just keep playing through it all until I say stop."
      Eric shifted from side to side impatiently, drumming his fingers along the neck of his guitar as Morgan began the countdown.
      10..9...8..7..6..5..4...3..2..1..0
      We started it off with the Motörhead song, playing a faster, thrashier version of it in our own style with Svenn doing his best Lemmy impression and continued playing the rest of the songs, only taking brief pauses in between.
     Before long, we had went through the entire set and Tommy had recorded the whole thing.
     Our demo.
     "That wasn't too shabby," Morgan said, "I'll take it to the studio and we'll make about 200 tapes for now and see how they'll sell."
     "Yeah, that sounds dope," Eric said, placing his guitar back on the stand, "we can have one of our friends or some shit sell them at our next shows."
       Morgan nodded, gathering up his things.
      "That's a neat idea. If you need any help with promotions in the future, I'd be glad to offer advice."
     We all thanked him and he wished us luck with our band, telling us that we had a lot of potential to make it big one day and that our sound was a fantastic bridge between death and thrash metal.
       Soon, he was gone and we were left alone in Svenn's house, our minds still processing the fact that we had just recorded our first demo.
      A step towards one day recording a full length album and maybe eventually doing a tour. A small step, but a significant one regardless.
      Svenn handed out some Coca Cola and as we drank it off, discussing ideas to help get us more out there, I saw that Kristina was unusually quiet today. Even during the recording, she had seemed less enthusiastic than she usually was. With her chin resting on her knees, she looked downright depressed.
      "Are you okay?" I asked her, feeling quite a bit of concern for my friend.
      She shook her head, biting her lip.
      "I-I should have told you guys this earlier..." she began, forcing herself to look up, "but I may not be in the band much longer."
      "Wait, why?" Eric asked.
      "My mom...she said that she's gonna pull me out. She keeps saying that I should be getting a job and that all I do is waste my time and that none of this is ever gonna get me anywhere in life except dead from an overdose under some bridge."
      "I'm not gonna stop you from leaving," Eric stated, a hint of sadness in his voice, "I disagree with your mom but I'm not gonna confront her about it or whatever. Maybe you can get a job and as soon as you have enough money you can move out and rejoin."
      "Maybe," Kristina mumbled, fidgeting with the front of her shirt, "I wish I could at least stay for the album but that's probably not gonna happen."
     I frowned. "You can try and convince her to..."
     "It's useless," Kristina said, waving her hand dismissively, "she's been opposed of me playing in a band from day one. It's a miracle that I've lasted this long here. "
     Glancing at her watch, she let out a groan.
     "Fuck, I'm gonna get going now. This might be my last chance to see y'all so I'm just gonna say it now: thank you for everything."
     Eric playfully elbowed her.
     "No. Thank you for being an amazing fucking bassist and kicking ass every time you came here."
    She smiled sadly.
    Ace and Svenn gave her both a long hug, wishing her the best. and when it was my turn to say goodbye, I walked up to her. I'd never gotten to be close friends with her but I still felt a tinge of sadness at hearing her words.
    "I never got to know you well," I began, "but I'll miss you and I don't know what you're going through, but I wish the best of luck and that you get through whatever you're going through."
     "I'll miss you too, Marlene," she said going over and pulling me into an embrace, "take care of the boys for me will you?" she added playfully.
"Of course," I whispered, watching as she slung her bass over her back.
Giving us a small wave, she headed out the door, walking hurriedly down the street with her hands shoved into the pockets of her jeans.
It had begun to rain outside, the rain drizzling against the roof, turning the snow on the streets an ugly brown, almost as if Mother Nature too was feeling the sorrow that had reflected off of Kristina in waves.
"Man, she doesn't deserve any of this crap," Ace said shaking his head to go and going over to stand beside me.
"Yeah," I whispered.
I didn't know the whole situation, only bits and pieces from whispered words between my bandmates; a childhood spent in a country where even speaking an opinion could get you sent to prison...a murdered father....witnessing a grandparent dying....a mother suffering from extreme paranoia...
Music was her only escape from the reality of her life and now she was likely going to have even that taken away from her.
     "She mentioned to me that she has a cousin who can play bass pretty well and that if she ever does leave, he's gonna come in and replace her," Eric suddenly spoke up, breaking the gloomy silence that had formed in the room.
     "I don't know, man. Her mum has been threatening to take her out of the band for ages now. It could be another empty threat," Ace said.
      He was trying to be optimistic but from the uncertain look in his eyes, I could tell that he was struggling to keep his hopes up for Kristina's future in the band.
     "I wanna believe you but all we can do at this point is hope for the best," Eric said, shaking his head.