Diane

Chapter 1

I can vaguely remember the times where i went to church with my father when I was little. He'd sit in the pew at the front of the room, while I sat by the window, listening to everything around me.The pastor would speak, the people in their pews would listen, the children in the choir would sing and I would just stare out into space trying not to fall asleep. The church had few members at the time and so there weren't many hymns or words to focus on but i remember them all nonetheless.When i got older i suddenly saw myself slowly drifting away from God, but not completely though. I still believed he existed, it's hard not to after all i was brought up with Christ, but I'm starting to feel less and less like I need him. I guess that's the same thing that everyone else feels.It's hard for us to connect, but I try my best.
There were times where i would go alone to church and sing along, but mostly i did it to see how people reacted. Sometimes people would smile, but then they'd look away and go back to doing whatever they were doing before.Sometimes people would clap along but most people didn't really pay attention. It's sad really because i thought we were supposed to spend time together to share our joys in Jesus.I don't think that'll ever happen now...I suppose I could always visit the church to check up on how things are going? Or maybe i could even go to the library? But no matter which option i choose, I'll still have to be content with watching people go through life.
As I get older, i realize that God isn't here with me anymore. There aren't any messages, no signs, nothing.I don't even know if He's real or not!

I guess it's kind of unfair. When i was young, it was all very positive; i believed in Jesus. Now I've lost my faith.I know that some people believe in Him but I just don't understand why He doesn't appear to me. I guess it doesn't matter now, the church is closing down anyway due to lack of members and no matter how much i wish to care about what happens to the church I can't.All i do know is that I'm tired, tired of being disappointed.
So i turn over on my side facing my bedroom wall. I close my eyes and try to sleep but I can't. I've been thinking about this for a while now. I'M DONE!! I thought to myself angrily.
Then i heard someone knock on the door. I got up slowly and opened my door.
"Mom?" I asked looking at her. She was already dressed in her Sunday School outfit.
She walked over and hugged me tightly, "hey honey!" she said cheerfully.
"What are you doing up so early?" I asked her.
"Well, i'm off to church!" she started smirking,
"Oh." I replied blankly.
"Do you wanna join me?" she asked excitedly.
I shook my head. "No thank you mom," I replied quietly.
She looked at me sadly, "oh ok sweetie, i love you."
"I love you too," I replied.
She gave me one last hug before heading downstairs to start her day.
I stood in my room staring out of the window at the street below, the sun was beginning its journey towards the horizon.
My eyes wandered around the room. Everything seemed so peaceful. It's almost as if the world was holding its breath waiting for something. Maybe it was. Who knows, I don't.
Maybe I should pray for God to show up, that'd make me feel better. I guess I could ask God to send a miracle or someone who could restore my faith but i knew it was hopeless. I don't want to pray anymore.
God, I'm sorry that I don't believe in you anymore.
I shut my eyes tightly and tried to block out my thoughts so that they would leave me alone. Then I heard someone knock on the door again. I ignored it, pretending to be asleep.
"Diane! Someone's at the door for you!"
I sighed and sat up, "what do you mean someone's at the door?"
"I mean someone's here to see you!" she explained
I got out of bed and headed downstairs. As i got closer to the front door, I could hear my mother talking to the person outside, "What a lovely surprise Cameron. Come on in!"
I felt my stomach tighten up with nervousness. I couldn't imagine who could possibly be here. Was it my mother's friend from church? Did someone forget to return a book or something?
I stepped into the foyer and stared nervously at the guest standing on the other side of the threshold.
"You must be Diane, i'm sure you don't remember me, but i was the church's sunday school teacher."
I looked at him confused, "Wait...Cameron?"
He nodded smiling, "that's right!"
I didn't know what to say. We both just stared at each other awkwardly. He looked a lot different from when last i saw him. He had gotten a lot more attractive , his face was tanner, he wore nice clothes and looked like he had shaved recently. He looked like he was well taken care of too...
"Well um...are you okay?" he asked sounding slightly concerned.
"Yes! Yes i'm fine, sorry...this is all such a shock to me...I mean you're not really what i expected. I just..."
"It's ok Diane.."
"Um..." I stuttered embarrassed, "why are you here?"
"To ask for some help. Do you think I could come in for a moment?"
I nodded hesitantly.
"Thanks." he said smiling.
I led him into the house and closed the door behind him as my mother left for church.
I offered him a seat on the couch. He took off his jacket and placed it neatly on the armchair. I sat down next to him but didn't know where to put my hands so I just rested my hand in my lap.
"So, why exactly are you asking me for assistance?"
He leaned forward and put his elbows on his knees, "As you may already know the church is being closed down because of the lack of attendance..." he says as he shift uncomfortably in his seat.
"I don't understand...if they're closing down, then why are you here?"
"Well..." he hesitated again. "I'm here to find someone who will help me revive the church so I'm here to ask you if you can help me!" he said enthusiastically.
I frowned, "how am I meant to do that? The church is closing down and I have no idea how I could bring back something that's dead."
"Have you forgotten your Christian faith?" he asked surprised. That was a really touching topic and i wasn't ready to talk about it right now with him so I didn't answer. "I guess that's a yes."he replied chuckling. "You probably wouldn't be able to bring anything back to life, but i think it's important that we try! So...um....will you help me?" and before i could reply he cut me off
"i've asked almost everyone but it seems like they've all lost their fate..." he paused "so please Diane...can you just help me?"
The room was quiet for a moment until he said again:
"Don't forget the meaning of faith, it's the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen as said in hebrews 11:1..."
He trailed off again, "you'll help me won't you? You know how it goes...'The Lord worketh in mysterious ways.'"
I smiled a little bit and nodded, "I promise. Just give me some time and i'll think about it."
He smiled brightly and grabbed my hand, "thank you, i'll give you my number so you can contact me when you're ready."
I took the piece of paper he handed me, thanked him one more time and he was gone. I sat back in my chair trying to digest everything that's just happened. Afterall there's no telling what could happen if he tries to reopen the church.
I really wanted to help him but not for the sake of the church but for my own selfish reasons, but i couldn't help it i was attracted to him and maybe helping will make us get closer and maybe just maybe my faith will be restored by a complete stranger.